I have a question. I've bought a Bianchi racing bike after watching the tour de france this year and I've really enjoyed riding around and I'd like to start racing.

I want to know how Tdf riders go to toilet when they are out in a break away. Surely they can't pull over and stop, so they must go while they are riding. I tried to practise this and I found it exceptionally hard to crap while riding the bike, and when I did finally crap only a small amount came out and I lost significant speed.

What do more exprienced riders do when they have to crap while riding a bike?

u are kidding right?

let me get this straight, you dont race yet, you dont get paid to race and you took a crap in your pants to see what is was like?

I really hope your just joking around lol

OMG, I'm gonna have to shave my ribs & get a massage as my sides are hurting from laughing so hard. Lactic acid build-up. ROFL!

Okay, now that I've gathered myself...you pull off to the side of the road and pull your shorts/bibs down to take a #1.

You sit down on your own commode BEFORE or AFTER your ride to take a #2.
I don't know what's funnier. The fact you crapped your shorts or the fact that you "lost significant speed."

Ride strong, Ace88. We love you!

I did the same thing, except the trick is to take the seat off and crap down the bike frame. be sure to add exhaust pipes at the rear of the bike so the crap can come out the end. This will actually make you gain a considerable amount of speed. I actually tested it the Meoux stage if the tour de france and ended up in first position. However, I lost several places when a racoon darted in front of my front wheel and got trapped in the spokes. The damn thing was squealing like a ****ing banshee. I tried to keep going with it in there, but it was jammed in between the wheel and the fork. It ended up dislodging a flying up, biting me in the inner thigh. I had to stop and eat it for my dinner. The meat was real tough and it made my crap really hard and it actually blocked my custom made exhaust pipes.

Why is it I think this thread has some bearing on this other recent thread?

Oh my god, I can't stand this anymore! My abs that are sticking out with 10 lbs of fat in front of them are hurting.

No i didn't crap in my pants or on my seat. Why would I do that?

I was trying to crap standing up on the pedals so that It wouldn't go on the bike, but its so hard to concentrate on crapping while you are riding a bike so only a small amount actually came out.

I thought the Troll Competition thread was ---> over there.

How do you pedal with your bike shorts around your knees?

The same thing happened to a friend of mine except that it wasn't a racoon and he didn't actually hit it.

"and when I did finally crap only a small amount came out and I lost significant speed."

Looks pretty clean cut to me that you at least freaking tried it ROFL!!!!

what is up with this forum.. either someone poos in their bib or someone peeing on their foot.. is there a new fetish going around in here???

This is a good thread... for me to poop on!

No no no, are you silly? What you are supposed to do is wear adult diapers under your shorts/bib. When you poop is stays put without dirtying your clothes and keeps it off the streets so other riders don't run into it. The poo also acts as a replacement for chamois cream as it will keep you from getting chafed and actually adds some cushion for your bum. The smell will keep other bikers from riding too closely as well.
Oh and never attempt this when you have the runs, that is just gross.


Can this thread be relocated to the wasteland now?

This brings thread crapping to a whole new level.

You keep the bottom half of an old water bottle in one of your bottle cages for just this purpose.

Just be sure that you choose a good location to get rid of the full bottle and don't pull your shorts down past mid thigh since they seem to get hung up on the top tube if you do.

Boy, cyclists are getting dimmer these days. That pad thing on the inside of the shorts/bibs - it's a cutout pattern.

I hurt myself laughing, cause I think he DID try it...he needs to read Bobke's old columns, especially the one where he ate too much spicy food before a hard stage and rode right over to a couple's picnic blanket and unloaded right there, then grabbed a piece of cake and pedaled off....

Tears are running down my cheeks as I relay this over a cubicle wall to a fellow biker here at work....

bestest thread ever

edit**: Then I went and read the "Seat Sniffer" and "Chain Holder" threads. My cheeks and abs hurt sooooo bad right now.

better make sure you have a high fiber diet.

jaaaaysus...

fsnl
sparky

This is beter then most of the joke threads should be moved for true enjoyment.

As for me its the side of the road just make sure the leaves you pick to wipe with are three.

best advice ever!

You guy's make fun, but I'm sure everyone here has considered taking a big steaming crap while on the bike. Just think it could be your secret weapon in a race. If you had a trap door on the @$$ of your shorts, you could drop an oil slick and shed some weight at the same time. Your bound to win then!

i'd suggest eating a bunch of cheese before a big race...then you won't even have to worrie about it.

G'day,

I wanna know how come you've got a PC in the cubicle at work..........????....& how do I get a job there?...just make sure you don't confuse your typin' hand wif your wipin' hand!!!

cheers,

Hitchy