I caught the bug, the road is calling, but I can't tour until next Spring, depressed
#26
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^^nice post, thanks for sharing.
Adam, I found you your next job: https://www.adventurecycling.org/whow...T%20Specialist
Adam, I found you your next job: https://www.adventurecycling.org/whow...T%20Specialist
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Better think hard on the wife part you did LOVE her at one time.Now go back to her look at her real good and get that LOVE of your life back in you again.My wife and I have had a lot of bad times we even thought leaving each other a few times.But I can tell you if you go off and leave her it you may play the field for a while but some day you will look back and say man I wish my wife was here now.I say get your ASS back to her first.And work on that part of your life.Riding a bicycle and doing a tour can be fun but that fun will play out fast.That's what I did here and I can say I am very glad I did.Being married is a lot of hard work.you may give 100% and you think she is giving 0% I say take a good look at your self first get your life right and the rest will come to you so easy.Touring will always be waiting on you to do.I don't mean to sound hard on you I guess my wife comes first to me and ever thing else can wait on me.
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Better think hard on the wife part you did LOVE her at one time.Now go back to her look at her real good and get that LOVE of your life back in you again.My wife and I have had a lot of bad times we even thought leaving each other a few times.But I can tell you if you go off and leave her it you may play the field for a while but some day you will look back and say man I wish my wife was here now.I say get your ASS back to her first.And work on that part of your life.Riding a bicycle and doing a tour can be fun but that fun will play out fast.That's what I did here and I can say I am very glad I did.Being married is a lot of hard work.you may give 100% and you think she is giving 0% I say take a good look at your self first get your life right and the rest will come to you so easy.Touring will always be waiting on you to do.I don't mean to sound hard on you I guess my wife comes first to me and ever thing else can wait on me.
Adam, I found you your next job: https://www.adventurecycling.org/whow...T%20Specialist
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Also this bit really concerns me ... from a woman's perspective ... "She's unskilled and has no formal education in the US". Is she interested in taking courses and getting skilled in some area of work? Perhaps she needs a bit of encouragement to pursue her dreams, to take classes, etc., to get certificates, diplomas, or degrees, and she may need your help and support to do that. Maybe she's depressed (from your description it sounds like she is) because she wants to do something, but feels she can't for some reason.
Anyway, when you and she go out for rides, make it relaxed and fun ... ride 20 minutes to an ice cream place, sit and have an ice cream, and ride back ... or something like that. You've got winter coming on soon, right? What about suggesting that you and she join a spinning class together? Some of them can be quite good workouts, but don't pick something that looks like it will be too difficult. Go to have fun togther.
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#31
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just reading through this it seem's everyone is to blame bar you. you hate your job ,not to fond of America,and now your wife has no interest in your hobbies .adam I'm not having a go at you honest but man cop yourself on ,i'm married probably longer than you have been on this planet, my wife doesn't tour with me im kinda an outdoor person like country life she doesn't out interests are light years apart but we still get on great no quarrels at all,so give that little woman of your's a break why did you team up in the first place i'm sure it wasn't bike touring.back packing.be honest here Adam your thinking of number one ,life is for sharing .ok put me up against the wall and shoot me.
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just reading through this it seem's everyone is to blame bar you. you hate your job ,not to fond of America,and now your wife has no interest in your hobbies .adam I'm not having a go at you honest but man cop yourself on ,i'm married probably longer than you have been on this planet, my wife doesn't tour with me im kinda an outdoor person like country life she doesn't out interests are light years apart but we still get on great no quarrels at all,so give that little woman of your's a break why did you team up in the first place i'm sure it wasn't bike touring.back packing.be honest here Adam your thinking of number one ,life is for sharing .ok put me up against the wall and shoot me.
My marriage has more issues besides not touring together, but I can't/don't want to get into more details about that here. All I can say is that, yes a big part of the reason we got together was the fact that, at the time, we seemed to enjoy outdoor activities together. I wanted more than just a wife, I wanted a partner to share those activities with. Perhaps I shouldn't have brought that up here, but well, it's out.
There is truth in what you said, however, I am partially to blame. Again, I never said that I am NOT at fault. I'm trying to work things out and I'm taking all the advice seriously. I'm really making efforts to make it all work out.
I was interested to learn how other people managed to change their lives to find more time for activities they enjoy.
#33
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sorry if my post sounded a bit harsh ,just wondering if you sat down with your wife and asked her opinion on you doing a extended solo tour might be worth a go .listen at the end of the day it's your life and i wish you well in whatever you do.
life is way to short but if you get a blessing( your wife /job) along the way it sure makes life /things a lot sweeter.
life is way to short but if you get a blessing( your wife /job) along the way it sure makes life /things a lot sweeter.
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sorry if my post sounded a bit harsh ,just wondering if you sat down with your wife and asked her opinion on you doing a extended solo tour might be worth a go .listen at the end of the day it's your life and i wish you well in whatever you do.
life is way to short but if you get a blessing( your wife /job) along the way it sure makes life /things a lot sweeter.
life is way to short but if you get a blessing( your wife /job) along the way it sure makes life /things a lot sweeter.
#35
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I presume you've suggested that she go to her Dr to be given a physical to determine that there is no physical reason why a 30 minute ride should be tiring her out ... and that she inquire about testing for depression?...
Anyway, when you and she go out for rides, make it relaxed and fun ... ride 20 minutes to an ice cream place, sit and have an ice cream, and ride back ... or something like that. You've got winter coming on soon, right? What about suggesting that you and she join a spinning class together? Some of them can be quite good workouts, but don't pick something that looks like it will be too difficult. Go to have fun togther.
Anyway, when you and she go out for rides, make it relaxed and fun ... ride 20 minutes to an ice cream place, sit and have an ice cream, and ride back ... or something like that. You've got winter coming on soon, right? What about suggesting that you and she join a spinning class together? Some of them can be quite good workouts, but don't pick something that looks like it will be too difficult. Go to have fun togther.
About the ride: There are several threads on the forums that talk about couples with tendems. You can rent one for a "leisure" ride in the park. Maybe you're riding too hard for her and she's not willing to admit it or doesn't want to. Her response could be because the rides aren't fun for her. My wife and I had this problem. She really doesn't ride any more, but has taken up bellydance which she enjoys immensely. I've asked her if she would ride sometimes if we get a tandem and she's given a tentative affirmative. It seems to be a good way of equalizing two skill levels for riding. She might still hate it, but you never know.
FWIW the other thing that you mentioned is that she will still car camp with you. Perhaps a "supported" tour with her in the sag wagon might be a way to include her in your hobby. Even if she does her own thing during the day (window shopping, seeing sights...) and you two get together at the campground. I know it's a major compromise since you want to go out on your own, but it might be worth pursuing in the short run and then once the marriage is less rocky, going out on your own on an unsupported tour.
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I second both the ideas above.
I've been coming back from DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) and my strength and fitness dropped way off. Rowan and I struggled to ride together on our singles ... he was stronger than me, and I was so slow and struggled up even the smallest inclines. Both of us became frustrated with that situation. We talked about it to a friend of ours who offered to loan us his tandem, and we've been riding it most of the time since. It's great!! We're flying down the road now at 23 km/h, where before I was struggling to do about 16 km/h, and I'm not working nearly so hard.
The sagged tour is also something that might work. I've been both the cyclist and the driver on short tours like that before and it can work well. From the cyclist perspective, it is nice to arrive in town and have the camp site picked out, to pull into towns and be directed to cafes etc without having to look for them, and to have all the gear carried so you can do longer distances more comfortably. It also offers the freedom to ride for a few days in this area, then drive to another area and ride there.
I've been coming back from DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) and my strength and fitness dropped way off. Rowan and I struggled to ride together on our singles ... he was stronger than me, and I was so slow and struggled up even the smallest inclines. Both of us became frustrated with that situation. We talked about it to a friend of ours who offered to loan us his tandem, and we've been riding it most of the time since. It's great!! We're flying down the road now at 23 km/h, where before I was struggling to do about 16 km/h, and I'm not working nearly so hard.
The sagged tour is also something that might work. I've been both the cyclist and the driver on short tours like that before and it can work well. From the cyclist perspective, it is nice to arrive in town and have the camp site picked out, to pull into towns and be directed to cafes etc without having to look for them, and to have all the gear carried so you can do longer distances more comfortably. It also offers the freedom to ride for a few days in this area, then drive to another area and ride there.
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#37
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I though before about he SAG wagon idea briefly. This way she could also carry our mountain bikes in the van, which she likes riding around the park, we could camp at some nicer places for a few days and do short, light, easy rides together. Although, I haven't given it it a good thought in terms of logistics. She could probably drive couple of hundred miles ahead and stay in a motel for a few days while I do my touring/camping thing. The only problem is that I'm not sure if she can navigate across such large distances in unknown country. She's a good driver, but she never drove more that a couple hours away from home and she's not used to driving on American highways. I suppose I can try to teach her how to read maps, use GPS, etc. if she shows interests in this idea. I'm just unsure if she'll be comfortable by herself in a car for extended periods of time and across large distances. Even back in Poland she wasn't very comfortable with long drives. However, if we could pull this off, it would definitely be healthy for our relationship.
We've discussed the tandem idea before, she didn't like it But we never tried it. I'm not aware of a place in NYC that rents tandems.
We've discussed the tandem idea before, she didn't like it But we never tried it. I'm not aware of a place in NYC that rents tandems.
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I though before about he SAG wagon idea briefly. This way she could also carry our mountain bikes in the van, which she likes riding around the park, we could camp at some nicer places for a few days and do short, light, easy rides together. Although, I haven't given it it a good thought in terms of logistics. She could probably drive couple of hundred miles ahead and stay in a motel for a few days while I do my touring/camping thing. The only problem is that I'm not sure if she can navigate across such large distances in unknown country. She's a good driver, but she never drove more that a couple hours away from home and she's not used to driving on American highways. I suppose I can try to teach her how to read maps, use GPS, etc. if she shows interests in this idea. I'm just unsure if she'll be comfortable by herself in a car for extended periods of time and across large distances. Even back in Poland she wasn't very comfortable with long drives. However, if we could pull this off, it would definitely be healthy for our relationship.
We've discussed the tandem idea before, she didn't like it But we never tried it. I'm not aware of a place in NYC that rents tandems.
We've discussed the tandem idea before, she didn't like it But we never tried it. I'm not aware of a place in NYC that rents tandems.
#39
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If she was going to drive the car, instead of setting her loose for a couple days and worrying about her getting lost, why not stay closer together and agree to meet at predetermined points during the day, like for lunch? That way, she would feel included in your trip, you would be helping her learn how to navigate, and she would get to see new places in America. She might be suffering from a lack of confidence and isolation by being far from home, and doing this together might help her a lot, and it might help your relationship. Remember, if you're having a crisis of sorts with American culture and your current role in it, there's a good chance that she is as well in some shape or form that is hard for her to describe.
BTW I'm also starting to look for a tandem rental place in the area. If I find one, I'll let you know.
If anyone else knows of one in the NYC area pleas post.
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Wow, there are a lot of thoughts here, thanks.
We may try first moving from Queens to the Northern suburbs of NYC (Westchester, for those familiar with NYC). This will get me closer to the "outdoors" while still allowing to keep my job. The problem with living in Queens (or Brooklyn) is that you live on a congested island. Getting out for a nice bike ride means driving out, crossing at least one crowded bridge. If we lived in Westchester I'd be a dayride away from the Catskill Mountains. That would make 3-4 day weekends very possible. Also, Westchester is really nice for cycling while Queens frankly sucks. I ride to work every day and I have enough of my urban cycling Weekend rides around the town aren't much fun.
We may try first moving from Queens to the Northern suburbs of NYC (Westchester, for those familiar with NYC). This will get me closer to the "outdoors" while still allowing to keep my job. The problem with living in Queens (or Brooklyn) is that you live on a congested island. Getting out for a nice bike ride means driving out, crossing at least one crowded bridge. If we lived in Westchester I'd be a dayride away from the Catskill Mountains. That would make 3-4 day weekends very possible. Also, Westchester is really nice for cycling while Queens frankly sucks. I ride to work every day and I have enough of my urban cycling Weekend rides around the town aren't much fun.
I went for a 250km tour this weekend, and I saw one cyclist outside of a city. She was a solo road cyclist I saw near the end of the first day, which was also my first century. Earlier when I had briefly stopped for lunch that day in a small town, I saw two cyclists one of which was stopped for lunch (or breakfast) at the same restaurant as me. Those were all the cyclists I saw until today when I got to my destination (Ottawa, Canada's capital). The city was full of cyclists, I even saw a couple on a tandem.
I'm sure the farmers and other people living in those remote villages do plenty of winter activities, I just don't think that cycling with very little daylight outside their working hours on unlit roads with intermittent shoulders and 20-30 miles between towns is the most appealing activity.
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OK, this will be a chaotic post and there will be several issues here that I'll try to get some advice on.
This summer I toured for the first time. I did a few overnighters, then a 10 day ride around Adirondacks and 5 day spin across Connecticut and Massachusetts. I made some mistakes, I have still a lot to learn but I loved it. This was the best time I had in my adult life since I can remember.
I used to hike and do dayrides for years and bike touring combines it all: cycling, outdoors, camping into incredible experience.
So.... I can't go anywhere again until Spring. Although, there is a small chance of driving somewhere South and doing a short tour before that. I obviously caught the bug. I think about touring every day, I look at my photos and re-live the trips, I read CGOAB daily. I feel depressed that I can't go again any time soon.
I've started seriously considering changes in my life: simplifying my life, changing jobs, moving so I have more time and money for myself so I can go on tours more often. I regret that I waited until my 40s before I discovered bike touring. I want to catch up. I dream about doing Trans Am and other rides. I can get several months of leave of absence, but I can't do that every year, they won't let me.
I have a full-time IT job for a biomedical research facility that I used to love, but that I'm beginning to hate since corporate drones took over the medical center IT and sucked us into their world of meetings, charts and metrics. The only good thing is that I worked here for 18 years and I get 6 weeks of vacation time. That seemed like a lot until I started thinking about touring.
It also happens that I grew tired of NYC. I've got to get out of here.
Some of this started happening years ago before I even thought of bike touring. Last summer bike trips were the last drop in the bucket: I decided that I don't want to live like that any more.
We have no kids, we can settle for lower paying jobs and move to an area with lower cost of living. In a year we'll be completely debt-free, we don't own any real estate. We've started getting rid of clutter and junk from our apartment. We had a yard sale, then just gave away and thrown out lots of stuff. Much more to go. The idea is to have enough savings and little stuff so we can just pack up and leave in a year or two and basically go anywhere.
Ideally I'd love to work for six months and then have six months free. I'm really tired of living the American way: living for work. But I have no idea how that's possible. Our needs are minimal, we don't crave luxury cars, houses, vacations in exotic resorts, our big screen TV is collecting dust most of the time, we dress inexpensively, we're car-lite (42k miles in 6 years). The only thing that kept me in NYC was my job, but that's changed too.
So here are some questions:
How do you folks deal with such withdrawals?
How do you find the time for extensive touring?
What do you do for living that affords you the time?
Have many of you made such changes to your lives?
Any tips and ideas, suggestions?
Adam
This summer I toured for the first time. I did a few overnighters, then a 10 day ride around Adirondacks and 5 day spin across Connecticut and Massachusetts. I made some mistakes, I have still a lot to learn but I loved it. This was the best time I had in my adult life since I can remember.
I used to hike and do dayrides for years and bike touring combines it all: cycling, outdoors, camping into incredible experience.
So.... I can't go anywhere again until Spring. Although, there is a small chance of driving somewhere South and doing a short tour before that. I obviously caught the bug. I think about touring every day, I look at my photos and re-live the trips, I read CGOAB daily. I feel depressed that I can't go again any time soon.
I've started seriously considering changes in my life: simplifying my life, changing jobs, moving so I have more time and money for myself so I can go on tours more often. I regret that I waited until my 40s before I discovered bike touring. I want to catch up. I dream about doing Trans Am and other rides. I can get several months of leave of absence, but I can't do that every year, they won't let me.
I have a full-time IT job for a biomedical research facility that I used to love, but that I'm beginning to hate since corporate drones took over the medical center IT and sucked us into their world of meetings, charts and metrics. The only good thing is that I worked here for 18 years and I get 6 weeks of vacation time. That seemed like a lot until I started thinking about touring.
It also happens that I grew tired of NYC. I've got to get out of here.
Some of this started happening years ago before I even thought of bike touring. Last summer bike trips were the last drop in the bucket: I decided that I don't want to live like that any more.
We have no kids, we can settle for lower paying jobs and move to an area with lower cost of living. In a year we'll be completely debt-free, we don't own any real estate. We've started getting rid of clutter and junk from our apartment. We had a yard sale, then just gave away and thrown out lots of stuff. Much more to go. The idea is to have enough savings and little stuff so we can just pack up and leave in a year or two and basically go anywhere.
Ideally I'd love to work for six months and then have six months free. I'm really tired of living the American way: living for work. But I have no idea how that's possible. Our needs are minimal, we don't crave luxury cars, houses, vacations in exotic resorts, our big screen TV is collecting dust most of the time, we dress inexpensively, we're car-lite (42k miles in 6 years). The only thing that kept me in NYC was my job, but that's changed too.
So here are some questions:
How do you folks deal with such withdrawals?
How do you find the time for extensive touring?
What do you do for living that affords you the time?
Have many of you made such changes to your lives?
Any tips and ideas, suggestions?
Adam
the outdoors will be there when you arrive.
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#42
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the upshot is that you can sit on the computer and read away...
its a Pug's life for sure...
the one thing that never seems to fade away, are the moments when im on my bike. somehow, just pedaling, the breath in rhythm, and my body just does its thing. my mind is empty, my brain is empty, and i just do what is natural. gently lift the front wheel over some roots, bunny hop a rut, shift, brake, pedal, pull on the bars, and the world just passes by.
More times that i can recollect, the hours, the miles, the days, the weeks, yes...the years...have passed by under those pedals. when i get to work, or get home, i always lafff to myself when i “click” back to the “prescribed reality”. As if I were transported, one moment i was “not on the bike”, then i was on the bike, and again...back to “not on the bike”. the in between, sure i go thru a process where i download and process my thoughts, but its pretty quick, and then there is simply nothing. Just my natural mind.
https://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=179026
its a Pug's life for sure...
the one thing that never seems to fade away, are the moments when im on my bike. somehow, just pedaling, the breath in rhythm, and my body just does its thing. my mind is empty, my brain is empty, and i just do what is natural. gently lift the front wheel over some roots, bunny hop a rut, shift, brake, pedal, pull on the bars, and the world just passes by.
More times that i can recollect, the hours, the miles, the days, the weeks, yes...the years...have passed by under those pedals. when i get to work, or get home, i always lafff to myself when i “click” back to the “prescribed reality”. As if I were transported, one moment i was “not on the bike”, then i was on the bike, and again...back to “not on the bike”. the in between, sure i go thru a process where i download and process my thoughts, but its pretty quick, and then there is simply nothing. Just my natural mind.
https://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=179026
#43
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when i get to work, or get home, i always lafff to myself when i “click” back to the “prescribed reality”. As if I were transported, one moment i was “not on the bike”, then i was on the bike, and again...back to “not on the bike”. the in between, sure i go thru a process where i download and process my thoughts, but its pretty quick, and then there is simply nothing. Just my natural mind.
I've gone on many day-long hikes, I drove through calm rural southern farmlands for days and my mind never shifts into that particular state when it does while riding a bike. Ever since I started riding a lot and commuting regularly my time is basically divided into "when I'm on a bike" and "everything else". Although, working on my bikes stands out too among other activities within that "everything else".
Is it because bike is the "perfect machine"? The most efficient device humans ever built that allows us to move freely and quietly about, faster and easier than on foot? Why is it, that being a machine, a bicycle allows for such connection with the world around us? I mean, when you hike, you lie down on warm rocks, feel the Earth directly, smell it, touch it, it's a wonderful feeling too... But even those hikes fade from memories much faster than bicycle rides do. What is it about that chunk of metal and rubber that makes it so special to us? Are we really wired differently than average folks?
One forum member has a signature that says: "work: the eight hours between bike rides". That's what's happening to me too.
Yeah, that's a large chunk of what I do these days when I'm not on a bike I read at least 2-3 CGOAB journals a week among other things.
A.
Last edited by AdamDZ; 11-15-10 at 05:55 AM.
#44
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The part that bothers me most about living in NYC is that you live on a crowded island. You really have to get out of the city to enjoy a nice bike ride and that means a 1-2h drive and you have to cross at least one congested bridge. The driving part usually ruins the fun for me. In particular when I'm sitting in the traffic before the bridge on the way back home, idling among hundreds of other cars. I'm sure there are many other cities that are like that too, but that knowledge doesn't change much since I'm also sure there are cities where you can hop on a bike and ride out without having to deal with the insanity of driving.
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The part that bothers me most about living in NYC is that you live on a crowded island. You really have to get out of the city to enjoy a nice bike ride and that means a 1-2h drive and you have to cross at least one congested bridge. The driving part usually ruins the fun for me. In particular when I'm sitting in the traffic before the bridge on the way back home, idling among hundreds of other cars. I'm sure there are many other cities that are like that too, but that knowledge doesn't change much since I'm also sure there are cities where you can hop on a bike and ride out without having to deal with the insanity of driving.
I don't know where you live in Queens, but it is a little over one hour of cycling to get from your side of the Queensboro bridge to the other side of the George Washington bridge.
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One of my best vacations was a week of cycling around Los Angeles. Much of that had to do with other things, but the cycling wasn't much affected by the traffic, though I did beat people traveling by car in many situations (even over longer distances). But getting back to the nice quiet ride. For me riding with moderate (or even moderate) but slow traffic , is often better than riding with light but fast traffic.
I don't know where you live in Queens, but it is a little over one hour of cycling to get from your side of the Queensboro bridge to the other side of the George Washington bridge.
I don't know where you live in Queens, but it is a little over one hour of cycling to get from your side of the Queensboro bridge to the other side of the George Washington bridge.
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From where I live it is a solid 2 hours to get to the GWB, and most of it is with ugly Manhattan traffic, I've done it a number of times. That's 4 hours out of the day just to get in and out. I haven't tried the Triboro Bridge but most bloggers say it's ugly and unsafe so they only real option is to drive out.
I guess it depends how much you want to be touring the great outdoors.
But I find that cycling makes everything that much more beautiful, be it countryside or cityscape.
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City cycling also lets you explore the city in a way that walking or driving doesn't. Not saying it is my favorite thing to do, but you can still have fun riding around the city, getting some lunch, seeing some different things, etc. The trick is to make the city itself a destination rather than an ordeal to get away from. I'm trying to do more riding around town here in Austin while the weather is cool just to get a better sense of the city and to try something different while having fun on the bike.
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City cycling also lets you explore the city in a way that walking or driving doesn't. Not saying it is my favorite thing to do, but you can still have fun riding around the city, getting some lunch, seeing some different things, etc. The trick is to make the city itself a destination rather than an ordeal to get away from. I'm trying to do more riding around town here in Austin while the weather is cool just to get a better sense of the city and to try something different while having fun on the bike.