If she thinks you're a dweeb because you're car-free, then she doesn't like you "in that way." Move on and find a sassy Messenger on a fixie

Whaaaat? When did this happen?!?

Wow, dating, what a complex issue! I haven't had to date since 1982! (married). But here are my ramblings.

I very much agree with Chris L. about women looking for providers. I don't think that will ever, ever change. It's in the DNA. But I think you can play games around it.

"Clothes make the man"... how do you dress on the bike? Is it grunge, do you dress like a kid, or do you dress like a more affluent person? I show my middle-class roadie / rec prejudice, but I think if you dress in nice clean bright new cycling attire, you project a different image than t-shirt and cut-offs. You need some bling, too... nice shades, nice watch. Good shoes. Fresh gloves (non-stinky). You may need to upgrade your bike... and it needs to be clean. Old bike is fine, if an interesting vintage make/model and in good shape.

Of course, the average female isn't going to care, but if you go on well-attended bike club weekend rides, you'll have much better chances of meeting someone who would appreciate how you look. Or, be the only one who shows up on a bicycle at a public meeting that has something to do with the environment, Sierra Club meetings (they all tend to drive their little Priuses or biodiesels here). That tells people something about you and your values, which is the other thing people care about when dating... values compatibility.

I cannot tell you the number of times being the sole attendee who came on a bike become a conversation-starter with both women and men. Plus, you're standing in front of them in tight clothing, and if you have any good physical assets, they are going to see them! I always get friendly smiles and waves from attractive females when I'm out on my bike, commuting to work, going to the store... so they must like how a reasonably fit man looks in tight cycling clothes.

Which leads me to the next topic, if you're fat, you need to lose that gut. That will help you dating life a great deal. Get a decent hairstyle. Wash. These things matter to women.

And be playful out there! Bikes let you be social! I pass long lines of gridlocked cars on my commute, and in warm weather people have convertible tops down... I spend lots of time checking out females, just for fun, as I'm not in the market. But if I were single, I could definitely imagine making small-talk out there. Intrusive maybe... but some people are ready and waiting for someone to reach out and touch them. Doesn't hurt to try, you're not breaking any laws.

Never, ever pass on the opportunity to fix a flat tire for a female cyclist. If you don't emerge from the encounter with her email or phone, it means she's taken, you lost your nerve, or you're butt-ugly.

Does that give you ideas?

Why don't you move someplace where it doesn't matter if you have a car or not, like NYC?

I grew up in NY and very few people I knew -- these were middle class people with jobs and stuff -- had a car. You rented one on those rare occasions you needed one. Otherwise you walked, took a cab, a bus or the subway.

Second, what kind of women are you going for? Why don't you join a bike club or environmental group or something where you are more likely to find alterna-type women who may not care whether or not you have a car?

ETA: I see I echoed some of what kf5nd was saying.

TRUST ME on this one. The harder you look the worse your luck. She'll come along when you LEAST expect it.

But you have to stop expecting it. Forget about girls, ride and be happy. Believe me, one will come along WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT!!!

Gotta tell you, my bent attracts people like crazy. EVERY single person I drive by smiles. And a few of the ladies gave me the "eyes" as I went by. Get a bent, you'll be WAY cooler in her eyes.

Dude, its hard enough meeting girls you will want to date, and even then.. they have to want to date you too. I understand that living car free is a choice you made, but perhaps it is a bad one?
What are you going to do if you have kids?

You have to remember, women like stability. THey want to know that as they grow older they are going to be taken care of. They want to be picked up for dates. They want to be driven to fun places. Im sorry, you just can't do everything life has to offer without a car.

Maybe think abotu buying something cheap. Anything... as long as it runs and doesnt look like complete junk. Girls dont really care what you drive, they only care that you drive. Unless it is a Ferrari, its not going to attract any more women than a civic will.

Anyway, best of luck with your quest... but I think I see a car in your future.

I agree with kf5nd for the most part.

Presentation is 99% of the game. If you use a bicycle for your transportation you need to let people know that you use it out of choice, not necessity. Yes, you could have a car if you wanted one, but you choose not to. The lack of a car is suggesting poverty, you need to get around that by showing off your non-looser status in other ways, namely your appearance.

Get a good haircut. Get some good clothes. Go to a salon and get everything scrubbed down. Look at fashion magazines. Spend the $50 you didn't put into the gas tank on a new shirt... that fits.

I'd take kf5nd's suggestions to heart. If you get some nice clothes and look well put together then people will ignore the lack of a driver's license.

If you wear tight jeans and have a hard ass, you're already halfway home. Try riding single speed for a while. Uphill. Feel the burn. You'll thank yourself for it later.

And look in the right place. Cicyling clubs, environmental groups, and raves/phish concerts are going to be far more productive in getting your groove thing on than going out to sports bars.

If you get your wish...
Yea if you're in an urban setting, cabs are the rule O the date/day

I'm sorry, I just don't see how!

Maybe you spend too much time riding, or more generally, too much time alone. You might have to make a little more of an effort to meet and attract girls. She'll want to know that you can commit to spending a lot of your free time with her, even if she doesn't ride.


Isn't this a cultural issue? In some circles, young women don't mind being called "chick" or "girl." Others would find this offensive. But you're right that a respectful attitude will win out almost every time.

Many women would put prestige and wealth high on their list. But that doesn't mean you have to have a car. Bizurke may make a good living, he may even have a big trust fund for all we know. Either way, the lack of a car just gives him more money to spend on things women like.

Women do indeed value stability, "provider-ness", and longevity in a man...

If you ride a bike, you're healthier than the cager who spreads and oozes all over his SUV cockpit. That means you'll be alive to watch your kids and grandkids grow up. That's longevity.

If you're not burning up your cash on cars, it means you're saving and investing it, and building up your investment portfolio - that's being able to provide for a family.

Also, if you have savings and investments, and no debts, your style of life is sustainable, that's stability.

And if you have kids? The wife can drive them around instead of you, that's called freedom!

That was pretty much similar to my experience in my youth. Though they didn't discriminate between car free and financially responsible.

It's tough.

The problem isn't as bad, now that I am single again. At 50, it just means you are still in shape and not likely to be a mooch.

In other words, no car = loser. I've met a lot of people like that.

Good advice. Critical Mass rides might be another place to meet compatible women if you're the "alternative" type. Wherever you go, you have to put it out there to meet interesting (and interested) people.

Learn to dance. No kidding. It's primeval. The guys who rely on fancy cars to attract women have to do it basically because they can't dance.

Have you a bike co-op in your area?

This worked for me.

I met my girlfriend a year and a half ago, at which point I'd been carless for 4 years. (At the time, I had a motorcycle, but no bicycle.) When we were planning our first date, I felt self-conscious about my lack of a car and needing her to pick me up. So I explained to her that I was doing without a car in order to better save towards a condo downpayment. That was sort of true -- I was indeed saving towards a condo down payment, but that wasn't the main reason I was carless. The "saving for a condo" explanation was a way for me to express to her that despite my lack of a car, I was financially responsible and stable. If anything, my explanation probably won more points with her than owning a car would have.

I bought the condo a year ago, have taken up bicycling and reduced the motorcycling, and am no closer to getting a car*. And she's fine with that.

* Well, I am starting to toy with the idea of getting a small pickup that I could use to haul around a dirt bike or track bike, as well as bicycles, kayaks, etc.

I think that the idea of the car as status symbol is vastly overrated. Back in the 1920s, you were really something if you drove a Blower Bentley, but this is 2006. Motoring has become democratic. Cars are ubiquitous. Poor people usually have cars -- even if they are homeless. The acosts of driving and ownership may help keep some people in poverty, but that is a different issue.

Paul

Shallow women filter, just another way that being car free can save you tons of time and money.

I've never had a problem meeting women being car free. Sure, there's plenty who don't want want anything to do with someone who doesn't own a car. So? No matter who you are or what you drive, there are always plenty of women who aren't interested. Don't take it personally, and don't waste your time. You might want to listen to some of these posts to better your odds though. Especially location, location, location. Go places where you will meet like minded people, and talk to them. Be confident in who you are and your decisions, it will show.

My time has passed (56, married, two kids) but here is an idea I wish I had thought of when I was carless (age 23-28). It depends on where you work, where you live, how far you travel to work, how much you earn, etc., but there is a good chance that if you have no car you have some surplus income. So here is the idea.

Go out and look at a small new car, find out how much it costs. Call the bank, ask them what the monthly payment would be for a car loan on that amount. Call the insurance company and ask them what the insurance payment would be, and divide it into a monthly amount. Use the mileage figure on the car's sticker, and your round-trip miles to work, and the current price of gasoline, and calculate how much it would cost in just gasoline to drive for a day, then multiply to a monthly amount. Find out how many units of 3,000 miles you would drive to work in a year, multiply by $25.00 (for an oil change), and divide that into a monthly amount. Find out how many units of 7,500 miles you would drive in a year, call the car dealer and ask for a ball-park price of a regular 7,500 mile check-up (minus oil change since we have accounted for that), mulitiply that price (it will be very approximate, but is must be considered) by the number of maintenance visits a year, and calculate to a monthly amount. Then add up all those monthly amounts. That is a pretty firm figure on how much it would cost you each month to have a car.

Then, open a dedicated savings account and start putting that amount into it religiously every month. To be fair, use that account for bus fare, bike maintenance, and any other transportation expenses, but NOTHING ELSE.

The final bit of setup, find a car-rental place nearby and rent a car once a month for a day or a weekend. Use your transportation account; you'll still come out ahead. Get to know them, get to know the procedures, so that when you want to rent a car the wheels are greased, so to speak, and you can get one on short notice and without any trouble.

So now here is the execution. When you have a dating opportunity, put off any spur-of-the-moment activity (no reason necessary if the person doesn't know you well) and when it is time for the outing, rent a car. Arrive in the car, just like a normal person. Say nothing about the carless concept. Your mission here is to show nothing out of the ordinary and let this person meet you without being mentally sidetracked by the carfree philosophy.

If a second date opportunity materializes, rent a car again. Show up in it. Say nothing about it. Proceed in this way as long as you want to (you still should be coming out ahead, financially). At some point, she will wonder why you show up in a different new car every time.

Now take the opportunity to explain. But depending on the person, your explanation may vary. You could bring up the carfree philosophy (oil wars, pollution) but even if that is your main reason there are others. You could say that you are saving each month money to purchase a car because if you pay cash you won't have to pay interest and that makes good financial sense. You could say you are saving money to buy a house first because it will increase in value whereas a car does not. You could say you want to take a trip to Europe before you take on a car payment (and would she like to go along). You could say you are trying to build up an IRA now so you can let it sit for the longest possible time and then retire early. The point here is to get across the idea that you are not some sort of bum just because you don't own a personal motorized transportation appliance, but that there are other things that could be done with that money. Depending on how much money is in your account at the time, you could explain that you could go out tomorrow and write a check and drive away in a car, but what would that prove.

Now, once the person knows you a bit, you get to make the decision, instead of she summarily dismissing you because you don't have a car. If you have had a chance to demonstrate that you are normal (i.e. car-driving), but that for some reason (whatever your reasons are) you do not own your own MTA (motorized transportation appliance), and she can't get her mind around that concept, then, sadly, she might not be a keeper. Although, one would think, anyone who has mastered basic arithmetic should see the logic of your situation (says one who just today spent a thousand dollars on repairs to two cars).

I was going to say pretty much the same thing. We like to think we're on evolved species, but we're really just like all other animals - it all boils down to food, sex, and shelter/protection from the elements.

This topic has been discussed in detail before, so I won't beat a rusted frame. It isn't that there aren't any women who won't date us car-less guys, it's just that there are very few of them, so the ratio isn't in our favor. I've been car free for about 4 years now, and must admit that most women seem disinterested in me. Even when I had a piece of sh it car, a few were interested.

If you are really horny, I think there's nothing wrong with getting a prostitute: just rent a car for a day, find out were they are in your area, cruise around, and when you see something you like, pick her up and negotiate a price (probably around $50-100, depending on what services you want )

Hey, it's much cheaper than buying a car. You could also consider getting an escort, but you won't know what you're getting before she arrives, and they're usually much more expensive than a street walker.

Hmmm... it doesn't seem that problematic to me, and I'm @ 70% deaf, and pretty much a hermit. The deafness is a major strike, according to some I've talked to, as it limits my social interaction (can't go to parties or clubs). On the other hand, I'm tall and have good hair... I suppose it all balances out somehow. Not quite carless, but I regularly show up to dates on a bike.

Just be yourself. Learn to enjoy your life, partner or no. Learn to be happy. One thing I've learned is a lot of folks seem to be attracted to folks who actually enjoy their lives.

But it's usually much less expensive to rent a vehicle than own one. This has been discussed in other threads, but with insurance, and registration, in most cities it costs at least $100/month to own a car without driving it.

It you need a car for recreation, etc, it's usually cheaper to just rent one. You can rent a car for around $30/day, so unless you head out every single weekend, this is cheaper than owning one.

If being car-free is a part of who you are, then why would you even want a lady who doesn't accept that part of you? You could always look for a girl who's a car enthusiast yet very open-minded. Then she'd prefer to drive on dates and your lack of car wouldn't matter.

Personally, I think 2 things: A, you're looking for the wrong kind of girl. Stay away from these materialistic type ones, and find ones who are more wholesome, they'll usually support the idea of being car-free. And B: don't bring up the whole car-free thing as a major point. When, and If, they ask you about the fact that you have a car or not, just say, 'oh, I don't drive." And then leave it. I find that if neede, buddies W/ cars, or even cabs, rentals, whatever, will work. Trust me, they're out there, you just have to look. My ex-girl loved the fact that I din't drive. We just took a cab if we were going out, or the train, or we walked. We also lived close to everything, so it makes it easier.