I was basically assaulted while approaching the Manhattan Bridge from Brooklyn today. You know the 1 block of Jay St., right before Sands St., where ALL THE GODDAMN CARS COMING OFF THE BRIDGE AND HEADING TO THE BQE ARE? I hate that block. So I was riding along, not 15 feet behind the car in front of me, and moving just as fast, when I sense danger. I look to my left and there's a pickup screeching to a halt about 2 inches behind me.

He gives me a "what the sh|t?" look, which I return, with venom. While trying to glimpse his license I knock my toeclip into the bollards guarding the bike ramp approach. He laughs and drives off.

So, my question is, since most of us don't carry u-locks anymore, does anyone have a really good system for punishing drivers? I wanted so badly to stand right in front of his truck and knife his tire, but getting off the bike, taking off my gloves, opening my knife and slashing would have been too complicated. I was thinking about getting an iron pipe, or maybe stealing an abandoned straight handlebar, and clipping it to my top tube with a frame pump clip. Then I could just reach down, unclip the pipe, and have at his windows and mirrors.

I'm mostly just venting and kidding, but would still appreciate ideas.

It's so f\/cked up that driving a car makes you cool while riding a bike, unquestionably more difficult and exciting, makes you a geek. Not that I care about being a geek, but riding would be a lot safer and less frustrating if drivers respected us for the superior beings we are. Hmph. Would widespread bicyclist-inflicted violence instill awe and fear, or hatred and revenge?

Oh yeah, and it was a tan, old-model Ford pick-up truck, license number ACX 6319, New York plates. Just sayin'.

If your really pissed. and you felt you were wronged. The license plate is all you need. If you see that car again go to town my friend with a crowbar or two.

Just carry a gun and kill anyone that pisses you off.

did you memorize the license plate number? I'm trying to figure out the best way to record the license plate number for the next crazy driver that I come across.

Camera Phone. This is the only reason I have one.

That's one of the worst bicycing blocks I've encountered in NYC. It's like a custom designed death trap.

No way. The evil death cones on 5th and 6th Ave. win. That **** is ****** up.

report that plate number for aggressive driving and possible intoxication by phone right after it happens. there's no reason someone who's sober should behave like that, and his erradic driving is only more proof that he must've had a few drinks. I'm not sure if that would cause him any more trouble, but its worth a try. Or just go to a payphone and phone in an anonymous tip that you saw him selling drugs to little babies right after he knocked off a hooker, peed in a cop's gas tank, spilt oil in the gowanus canal (not that anyone would really care about that), made a comment about taking down the goverment "by any means neccessary", spit in some donut batter and clubbed a few baby seals.

Yeah. And it's vastly worse now than it was before the city "improved safety" there.

boots- didn't you just run into a pile of cardboard on 3rd ave too? tough week, huh?

where's the link to that ny press article that clues you into how to get the drivers personal info from the plate #? you know, get their name, their number, have some fun.

okay, for people who want to remember liscence plate numbers:

most liscence plates are three letters followed by numbers. make an acronym of the first three letters, such as ACX 6319 = Assh0les Copy Xerox

a friend of mine and I just play the acronym game when on the road sometimes and after a little bit of practice, you can get an acronym of any three letters instantly. I was doored a few weeks back and one glance taught me at least the first three letters of her plate, which I remember still.

yeah, or a cameraphone works, hahaha.

man boots is having a hard month

last friday i dented ( badly) some idiot's door by kicking it really hard while conversing after the incident.
all i remember from his plate is yellow color (new jersey sob)

Today I almost ran into a SUV, who's driver was waiting to take a left hand turn across my lane. She was on her cell phone and she wasn't even looking at oncoming traffic as she kept inching out. I ended up having to dodge to the left to avoid broadsiding her.

I pulled a quick u-turn, blocked her from turning before the light went red and confronted her. I can understand how drivers do dumb **** to other drivers because they see them as a car and not a person, but why people think they can do stupid **** to bicyclists is beyond me.

Never carry anything that has no easily argued non-weapon purposes (i.e. a lead pipe while you are biking.) That can be construed (and often is) as carrying a concealed weapon. If you ever are in a situation where you end up using a legitimate tool as a weapon, be VERY careful what you say.

Situation: you are biking along and someone jumps out of their car and tries to attack you. You reach into your back pocket, grab your Ulock and defend yourself with it. Police arrive and ask you what happened and why there is some chump lying on the ground next to you in a pool of their own blood.

*So here is the standard warning that you should say, "officer, I understand that you want to get to the bottom of this, but for my own protection I choose to not speak until my lawyer is present."*

If that's not going to happen, here are some guidelines.
Officer: So why did you have the lock in your back pocket.
Wrong Answer: In case some guy comes along and I need to defend myself.
Right Answer1: Because if I put it on my handlebars it makes too much noise.
Right Answer2: Because it's much quicker locking up my bike that way.
Right Answer3: Because I always wanted to be a cool msngr, and they do it that way.

In the first answer, you are suddenly carrying a concealed weapon and are under arrest. In the others, you are legitimately carrying a necessary tool and cleverly using it against an unprovoked attacker.

Of course, none of this is to be construed as legal advice...I am after all, a bike messenger...this is just info culled from friends, associates, and some personal experiences.

Maybe I'm missing something -- did anything actually happen? Yeah, you would hope he would see you and not almost hit you, but he didn't until the last moment when he saw you and braked. The ****ty look sucks, but grow a pair, man. Some guy almost hitting you isn't a reason to flip out.

yeah, i see what you're saying. but i think what actually happened was that he saw me all too well, and was playing chicken with me just for fun. maybe that's just how it seemed cause i was pissed, but it sure seemed like it.

BOOTS, I grew up outside of NYC. It's a tough town with its share of crazies. If this jerkwad was crazy enough to think he's a man because he's willing to take on a bike with his truck, he's crazy enough to carry a gun or other serious concealed weapon that he would use on you without hesitation. Take the advice about writing down the license plate and either report him or find out who he is and handle the situation when you have the upper hand. Reacting while he is provoking you is exactly what he wants. My recommendation, think of yourself first, and take him on, on your terms when your not on your bike. Keep safe!

You need an NYC DMV MV-15 form, here: https://www.nydmv.state.ny.us/forms.htm

this costs money, though, right?

25 or 35 dollars, if I remember right.

i think i'll wait until the next time someone pisses me off really bad. he didn't actually hit me, so he's not the worst i've dealt with.

I thought it was like $12 to get the driver's info like his address. The cost of hurling a big bag of manure through his window will vary depending on where you got it.

Yeah, I've been there. You think they must be effin with you because how else could they be that stupid.