Yeah, well my cousin was Lance's Urologist, so I'm 3 degrees of separation from Alanis' pants.

But only 2 degrees from some guys junk.

Enjoy

oh yeah? well my girlfriend's college professor is ice cube's father-in-law. *********'s most wanted *****es.

None of us is ever more than 1 degree separated from some other guy's "junk", and I'm rather fond of mine. Attached to it you might say.

Served Chloe Sevigny twice. And by served, I mean with my junk.


Shared an elevator with the Stereo MC's once, that was awesome.

oh yeah? well, i shot president reagan, and i'm gonna do it again and again and again and again

I knew Scarlett Johanssen when I was a kid; she went to the Performing Children's School. She was a badass.

I need to get out more often.
Ate with Mickey Gilley... he was in the same BBQ joint.
Got dating advice from Joe "Guitar" Hughes.
I flicked off Warren Moon.

you win.

I worked with Alanis Morissette's mom back home in Ottawa. I also knew Tom Green back when he was yelling "Check the OR! Ya like it so far?" and skated with him on occasion.

one afternoon i walked over to a venue by my work. i asked some dork ass looking dude who was playing that night. he said "electric six." i said "that sucks." turns out the dude was in electric six.

and i saw spike lee at chicago o'hare once. i didn't have the balls to say anything to him because i'm extremely white.

seriously.

one time at a restaurant, keanu reeves sat on my car and smoked a cigarette
although im not really proud of it

You should have yelled, "Beat it, Utah!"

One time I yelled "IT'S MOTHER****ING SERPICO!" to Al Pacino while drunk. He laughed and shook my hand, but was so overacting.

my friend's aunt used to date the real serpico. also my grandpa's best friend invented plutonium.

Mark Kozelek (Red House Painters) stopped a song to call me a ******. Two minutes later he walked offstage.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Kozalek sounds a little ******** actually. His speech is sloooooow.

that's one of the best things about an rhp show. kozelek is ****ing nuts. he's either abandoning songs half way through or doing a steve wright impersonation.

Also, if he's not going nuts on stage he's changing the name of his band(or solo project).

my grandfather was part of the team that built the first atomic pile w/ enrico fermi. The had him over for a dinner a few times, tho onetime my grandmother undercooked the turkey and freaked out. Fermi's wife helped her fix it. They remained friends till my grandparents left illinois.
my grandfather was also friends with richard fineman who got drunk and played bongos in their bathroom while *****ing about his wife.

I talked (as in said "Hi!") to Michael Showalter in the Midtown II Diner after his show in Philly. He is the awesomest.

i got high with the Bad Brains.

i met glenn danzig in tower recoreds when he had a show w/ danzig AND samhain- he was mad short- ooh and harley flannigan @ my old job- does a girl who ****ed ron jeremy count?

I drank a 40oz. with Ian MacKaye.