gehrkead

OH SNAP!!!

Retem

Wrong in so many ways. Knock it off and leave her alone. Having your own independent hobbies is healthy. I'm sure you can find things you both like. Obviously this isn't it.
Gaaa, why do people think that being in a good relationship means you like all the same things?
Coming from someone who has been in a working relationship for 7 years. Get off it. If you leave her alone about it she may eventually gain some interest if she's not pushed.

(P.S. This is Retem's Girl)


switch!

god I have answered at least 5 or so of these recently and it is all the same so I let my girl speak for me it really is the truth I harassed her for months and weeks about riding bike she got a cruiser she liked the paint job she rode it once! she sold it as I was completing a bike I was building for her to her specifications piece by piece she still hardly rode it
so I tell her tales of the wonderful wildlife along the local bike way and she is turned on and rides with me more than ever now

get what I mean

doofo

you dont want her to ride with you

shell be slow and wobbly and maybe even dangerous

who wants to ride with someone like that
?

helloamerican

i think the answer is to buy her another bike, or 2... sack up and throw some money at it

LóFarkas

Prolly not the biking kinda girl...
Ask her if she feels like trying a tandem. Then don't buy one, rent one for a day. If she trusts you as a biker enough not to be afraid in the back, it might work. At least she can't drop behind on a tandem

/// I just recently took a non-biker girl on a 25miler on a tandem and she quite liked it. Plus it turns out tandems handle relatively well for their size and weight. Not as truck-like and unstable as I expected.

audioel

I got my (now) wife into cycling by being patient and not putting any pressure on her. I got her a bike that was sized appropriately for her (she's 5'3"), tuned it up, and started by riding with her on short rides around our neighborhood, staying on quiet residential streets. Later on, we graduated to riding to the gym (about 2 miles), and taking longer rides on a MUP. Later on, she told me she wanted something a little more "sporty" than a small mountainbike, so i built her up a Miyata mixte that she picked out. She's done a few 20mi rides with me now, and did a 35mi charity ride back in March. She just started commuting twice a week to work (16mi round trip), and feels a lot more confident and secure on her bike.

I never pressured her, I gave her opportunities to make up her own mind about stuff, and was very patient with MY expectations of her ability/confidence.

When I ride with her, I do not leave her in the dust and haul ass. And if she wants to ride on the sidewalk, that's fine - I let her.

She will probably never join me on fast 50-60 mi rides on weekends, or have her own fixed gear, but I tried to enable her to find her OWN enjoyment of cycling, as opposed to forcing mine on her.

But then again, my last GF was a pain in the ass and a total lump who would whine about walking more than a few blocks.

So - no pressure, be NICE, be realistic in your expectations. And if you don't think **** will work out, DTB, and get out. Plenty of girls out there LOVE cycling.

why2not

@ OP
Ride more. Ride when you would otherwise be doing "her" stuff. Ride whenever you're not at work. When she realizes that she never sees you, she'll have a choice, either ride with you or leave you. You win either way.

blickblocks

Is this for actual transport or recreational cycling? When you start wasting a lot of time by walking everywhere, I think anyone will try to find something faster.

By the way supposedly cycling is safer than walking. Well, the road is safer than the sidewalk, so that's assuming bikes on the road and pedestrians on the sidewalk.

dirtyphotons

try getting into something she likes to do.

Tunnelrat81

Agreed. And remember that 'getting into something' is far different than simply 'doing something.' Getting into it means engaging and looking for real enjoyment in it, in the way you'd want her to engage in cycling with you. It's not easy, but THAT is what relationships are built on.

-J

ryand

You can't force her to ride it.

With my girlfriend, she had an ill fitting bike that her dad found. She liked cruising around, so I built her a SS that fit her. She really liked it and asked for another bike, so I got her something with gears. She signed up for a 150 mile ride with me and wants me to get a trainer for at home. Then she came to a cyclocross race and asked for a CX bike.

She is not in the same shape I am in. Day 1 of the 150 mile weekend, she kept a good pace. Day 2, she was sore, so I rode her pace and didn't forcer her to be uncomfortable (but let the other guys go on at their pace). Now she wants to do the same ride again next year and her goal is to do it faster. (This year her goal was to not walk the bike at all, and she didn't.)

Basically, you have the right step one. Get her a bike that fits her. (I'm assuming this fits her properly and you know how to fit a bike)

Step two is to let her get into it on her own. Show her little things and invite her for a cruise around town at night (less traffic, easier to be relaxed). If she likes going on a cruise around the neighborhood, invite her on a bike date. Ride your bikes to dinner and a movie or something. If she likes riding with you on little cute things, she will get more into it.

Also, ask questions when you get home. How do your hands feel? Knees? Back? Neck? Butt / lady parts (different saddles work wonders!).

If her hands hurt, gloves + adjustments.
(She might not want to wear gloves at first, but after she rides with them, she might appreciate it)

If anything else hurts, take her to a bike shop and ask about a fitting.

Good luck, but don't force it!

And getting into her hobbies a little bit can't hurt. But don't force yourself into them either. Try them out. And like it was said earlier IT IS HEALTHY TO LIKE DIFFERENT THINGS.

joshuastar

listen to these people, op. they know what's up.

the girl that's now my wife didn't want anything to do with bikes at first. so, like others have said, the first time she expressed even sort of an interest in riding, i jumped on it, got her a good first bike and took it easy with her.

she eventually wanted a fixed gear, so now she has a pretty mixte and wants to ride with me any time she can, which isn't much these days.

but it's the thought that counts.


oh, and btw, don't ever drop her while you ride. ever. that's dumb advice.

piwonka

just remember, no matter how slow she is, do not drop your ladyfriend on a ride.

JunkyardWarrior

Is there an ice cream place within riding distance?. Ever hear of shakespear in the park? Try riding to do something she likes.

mvillan

my GF went from a slow bulky cruiser to a nice ss bike that I painted for her and then I gave her my wheel set and now she rides fixed.

Things that I've learned: you can't push girls for because they want to do things their own way. This applies as to many things but in bikes; speed, perceived danger (even though its perceived), FG riding, etc, etc
my GF already road her bike as a main source of transportation, and I really don't think I would have worked out so well if she drove her car everywhere but, that at least got her into thinking about cycling.
She is artsy and I try to be apart of her projects so we can do things together. As far as me working on bikes all the time, she just knows that there are more interesting things to watch or do and stays away; unless she needs a flat fixed or whatever.. haha

One time we went out to a friend's house for a pool party and I asked her of she could handle 10 miles. she said sure, and we set out as a group. She was not expecting the reality of ten miles, to her, it turned into forever and there was no water around. So I gave her the water I had on reserve, and she toughed it out. We of course got a ride back later that night. But I don't think she try anything long distance (relative to each person) for a while.

anyways, at least now she won't touch her cruiser, she now owns a 3 speed and the FG and enjoys riding them both.

I would advise against just giving your girlfriend a $400 bike, not because of the cost but because building one up would turn into a good project between the both of you.

humancongereel

i could never in a million years deal with that.

krash

Interesting thread. You know some people just don't like to ride bikes. Big deal. I've been married 15 years now and I have friends with spouses, girlfriends etc. who ride or don't ride. When we were first married my wife would ride with me sometimes, and then a few years ago she'd join me with a group sometimes but basically she doesn't like to ride and I do.

I wouldn't spend another nickel or millisecond trying to get her to ride. Don't sell the bike. Just drop it. Here's some insight that may not be super intuitive.

1. Girls who ride bikes, and like to ride, may very well be more fit and strong than you. They may not be very impressed that you can ride or how strong and fit and etc. you are. You want your GF to have some respect for you, and even be impressed. Often times when your girl wants to go ride with you, mostly it's about proving to herself how tough you are, then once that's over with, she's not really interested anymore. But if she's fit, strong and can ride anything you can ride, then you know, you probably need a different hobby. She will get bored with you easily.

2. Most people don't understand what it means to fit correctly on a bicycle and don't want to learn. If they don't fit on the bike, they will never like to ride it. For example, some folks think that if they can't put both feet flat on the ground with their knees slightly bent while on the saddle, then the saddle is too high. If you lower the saddle for them, then their weight is going to be heavily on the saddle and they will be very uncomfortable on the bike. It's a circular problem. Unless they are motivated to ride enough to put up with some discomfort and a learning experience for a while, they are not going to like cyling.

3. Some people just don't understand cycling, the point, the reason we do it, etc. It's just not their thing. It's not a matter of a lack of exposure, or any other thing you can cure or teach. It's just the way it is. You know some folks get on a bike and are instantly hooked, and some can take it or leave it. The take it or leave it people will eventually leave it. It's the same with a lot of things, most sports. Sometimes it takes years to figure out it's not for you, but sometimes it's instantaneous. Just leave it alone.

I could go on and on about the wisdom of how to have a long term relationship but there's no point on this forum. I think trying to convince people to ride a bike when they don't take to it immediately is a fool's errand. Give it up.

crushkilldstroy

I think you should just shoot her. Or marry her. Or something in between.

Don't force her to ride though. Nobody ends up happy.

dijos

Ok, so my wife wants to ride with me, and I have a good time with her, BUT remember:

Your idea of a ride and hers are probably different. My love wants to look at houses, look at people, stop and look at the water, and talk about all of these things.
I either run errands on my bike, or try to crack a 15-20 mile loop when I have a clear hour to ride.

kemmer

<bad joke, sorry>

Seriously though, if she's scared find a place/bike/situation that makes her feel safe and let her work up to the more challenging stuff. Problem solved. (if that's actually the problem). I don't think a tandem is the solution for someone who is scared, being on a tandem is weird for the stoker cause they have no control and don't always know what's going on. Try renting one before dropping any coin on the idea.

IROeunuch

is she a chubster? maybe thats why you want her to ride?

dusted

Thanks for all the suggestions, I think I may have been pushing her a little too hard but I'm really getting sick of not doing anything. I'm gonna sit down and have a good ole fashion heart to heart and I'm going make sure I use all my Dr. Phil words.

Hoshnasi

^^ Listen to this man. I was getting more in to road biking and my fiance liked the idea of riding the river path with me, so I bought her a cruiser. It slow and the pace is grueling, but she likes it. Now that she has gotten stronger she has talked about getting "Something faster". I have since switched to riding my fixie almost entirely when I am with her. So I started talking about a single speed. She is intrigued.

I think the best path is use the bike as the transport method. Movie, food, short trips to Target (her favorite) all done on the bikes.

I think it helps too that she is Chinese and her family is from Vietnam. I get cred from her fam for riding. Since she is a noob I think she felt pressure to ride

a b seize

i was sooooo confused when i thought retem was using punctuation.

op, you should get one of these for her:


but seriously, it sounds like she just doesn't want to ride. and as somebody pointed out, your idea of riding and hers would be very different, it may not even be fun to ride with her after a while. keep that time for yourself instead of pushing her into it.

sorsha6

OP: you two have nothing in common? and you live together? yikes!

listen to what everyone says and don't pressure her. instead go on bike rides and tell her what a great time you had, things you saw, etc. i'd think that would be much more encouraging.

as a side note, an ex of mine would never bike ride with me because she was "embarassed" at how out of shape she was and didn't want me to see her having a hard time (yes, she had confidence issues!).