simplygib

Had he called me with that request, and knowing he was in a bad part of town near dark, I probably would have picked him up. But I don't think you're a "bad person" because you didn't. You gave him some very reasonable alternatives that he turned down. From your description of the situation it sounds like he didn't really have any good reason to not accept one of the alternatives you provided, and that it was just more of a preference on his part for you to go out of your way to pick him up and take him to your place. If that is truly the case then I wouldn't feel bad. He had choices that he chose not to take.

We once offered to drive a couple of bike tourists about 90 miles (one way) at the start of their tour to avoid a very dangerous highway (no shoulders, switchbacks, lots of logging trucks and RVs). They were from out of the country and apparently didn't realize how dangerous this road was. They accepted the offer, but during the drive they were rather aloof, talked among themselves but not much to us, and didn't seem to be very appreciative of the fact that we were driving 180 miles round trip so they could have a safer trip. They paid for the gas and were gone, never to be heard from again. I had a bit of a bad taste in my mouth from that experience. But then again it was me who offered, and they were under no obligation to shower us with thanks and gratitude, although a little of that would have been nice.

robow

"Am I a bad guy?"


Yes, you are a very bad guy.

axolotl

Here's a link to a blog for someone who is almost certainly the cyclist in question:

https://luigilaraia.blogspot.com/

The guy is not a touring newbie, because there's a crazyguyonabike link for a tour he did in 2010 from Washington, DC to the Grand Canyon.

edit: sounds like he spent the night in question in a hotel room

antokelly

great post

jon c. 

I think he's a little bit naive into thinking that every WS cyclists that comes to his door ....

Except this guy didn't come to his door. The OP signed on the help those who come to his door, not transport people to his door.

I understand the OP's feeling that maybe he should have done more, but he certainly has no obligation. He's going beyond the call of duty to house strangers who appear at his door. It really seems only fair that said strangers manage to get to his door on their own. I'd probably have done the same thing and I'd probably have felt a pang of guilt later on.

seeker333

Perhaps you have to be overly accommodating to sick people, since they're never 100% any day. The bicyclist apparently didn't help himself much, but there may have been extenuating circumstances - he may have lost his light, his smartphone died, had 3 flats, etc - you just didn't hear about it in the short conversation.

Ultimately it comes down to your own conscience, which apparently is troubled or you wouldn't have bothered with the OP. Be nice to the next few guys, and your karma balance sheet should be in the black again.

I can relate to this story a bit. I followed a guy's bike tour from BC to Ushuaia and back through the States. I knew he was headed in my general direction, but since he had no fixed itinerary I didn't try to contact him and offer a place to rest, thinking he would not pass near me. He camped nearly every night, and by chance ended up "stealthing it" in a wooded lot only a couple miles from my location. He was 300 miles further North by the time I learned of the missed opportunity.

Rowan

Shrug shoulders. If the guy is that sick, why is he doing the ride in the first place? Raising money for an organisation by putting your own health and even life at risk is beyond me. It seems to me the idea of using the leukemia to put a guilt trip on someone is, in itself, out of order.

As to the OP, forget about it. Move on. You gave the guy reasonable alternatives, and I sure don't see why any host should be expected to drive 70 miles to pick up a cyclist. Thirty-five miles is a big slice out of any average touring cyclist's day, and if that happens 10 timees in a cross-country ride, you've got to ask if it's legitimate.

simplygib

I would agree with that. But if this is indeed the same guy (and it looks like it very well could be) in the blog axolotl mentioned above, the reason he was late getting into town is because he decided to ride 155 miles that day. His goal is D.C. to Vancouver B.C. in 35 days. Granted, he's riding with almost no load, but if he's not at 100% I wonder what he could do if he was.

Edited to add: .... and he survived just fine, and was in Ohio yesterday.

axolotl

If anyone would bother to read the cyclist's blog whose link I posted above ( https://luigilaraia.blogspot.com/ ) instead of speculating about the guy, his trip would be a lot more understandable. He's traveling EXTREMELY lightly (he says one change of clothes
+ his computer), staying mainly in hotels, and photos show his bike having nothing more than a handlebar bag & water. He's riding (or at least covering) considerable distance each day--given the phone call to the OP, who knows just how much he's actually biking. He comes across as a pretty nice guy despite the request (unreasonable IMO) to Spinnaker. He states he had another bed offer in Pittsburgh, but he ended up spending the night in a hotel for whatever reason.

edit: glad to see at least one person read the blog, simplygib

clasher

I wouldn't worry about it. I especially wouldn't worry about if the rider in question is the author of the blog linked in this thread. Just because he's suffering from leukemia doesn't mean he's not freeloading... any money spent on hotels could have gone "to the cause" y'know. Of course he'd rather you pick him up and put him up for free than have to pay for a hotel or a B&B. I must have missed the memo where cancer is a free ticket to guilt people into driving you around and feeding you.

I figure this heavy-handed post is fair in light of the quick condemnation a few other people have dolled out on the OP. I don't think it matters one bit that he has leukemia, it's still pretty uncouth to expect someone to drive over an hour late at night because the person couldn't be bothered to plan their trip a bit better.

spinnaker

You weren't on the phone with him so you have no idea what he was thinking. Tough an unreasonable request, he WAS still counting on me. I forced him to adapt. Why else would I feel so bad about the situation.

This forum is about sharing ideas, Sometimes it's more than just what tent to use. If you didn't like my post then why did you "bother" to respond?

spinnaker

Yes that is him. Thanks for finding the blog. It's a little hard to follow but maybe he did make it to a hotel. Probably the one I suggested as a second option to my friend's B&B.

BigAura

You requested an opinion and I posted mine.

spinnaker

I didn't fact that he had leukemia tug at my heart strings. I figured he was fit enough to make the ride. I would have felt just as bad making the decision I made if he was 100% healthy.

I sort of have to agree with you on the planning. His blog is extremely well written and detailed. I don't know how he finds the time. And 155 miles in one day, I can see why he arrived late into the city.

He did get one thing wrong. Pittsburgh DOES NOT have an "extensive" transportation system. Unique maybe with our inclines but certainly not extensive.

unterhausen

one of the nice things about being on a long ride is that it is usually difficult to focus on little setbacks like this for very long. Somehow I doubt he holds it against you

VT_Speed_TR

A bad person would not have been bothered by these events and would have easily moved on.

You're bothered by the fact that you couldn't help this guy to the extent that you would have liked, hence you are not a bad person.

MassiveD

A bad guy is a little different than a bad person. The latter runs pretty deep. "hey, don't make me the bad guy" is what people say when they find themselves getting treated as at fault in a particular situation. Pretty much textbook case of it here. On the one side with have cancer dude, raising money for a cause. On the other side we have heartstrings dude, who rises to the occasion only long enough to raise expectations he doesn't deliver on. Yes, you are the bad guy.


On the other hand, I am not the bad guy, cause I never offer any help. Therefore the phrase, "don't make me the bad guy", or "why am I always the bad guy?" never comes up in my case. I am a bad person, at least as far as this stuff goes.

The people who tell you that you aren't the bad guy, are lying. They have been the bad guy in the past, and sure as hell don't want to admit it.

See how this works?

axolotl

The late, great, Ann Landers had a great line. She often said in her advice column, "Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission." This cyclist called you late at night and asked you to drive 30-35 miles one-way to come pick him up. That is not even close to a reasonable request. Good for you, Spinnaker, for not letting yourself be taken advantage of.

spinnaker

Thanks to everyone for weighing in (except robow of course ). I'm feeling a little better about my decision due to your comments and after reading his blog (he must be extremely fit).

robow

Well he's even more fit now that you made him ride all those extra miles thru that dangerous neighborhood.

But hey, that's what friends are for.

Rowan

Are you sure you are prepared to accept his log at face value. Had you given a lift to him, would he have included the extra 35 miles in the vehicle in his day's ride total?

Did he also discuss with you taking him back to the place where he called and expected you to pick him up so he could resume his trip, as I think most cross-country riders would do (I know I did on one of my rides)? I probably wouldn't be making such a point of this, but this guy is supposed to be raising money by riding across the country, not by getting lifts.

And if the neighbourhood was so dangerous, why would he be prepared to wait an hour or more for you to drive there, exposing himself to risk, rather than just take your advice about riding back a mile or so?

There are things here that just don't add up for me, I am afraid.

Classic Bicycle

I think the problem arose because your offer was in effect pretty open-ended and that did not accord with what you were actually expecting to be asked for. It sounds to me like the guy was actually feeling a little hung out there, although he also perhaps was a bit presumptuous, or even feeling some entitlement. However, you did what you could under the circumstances, that is, the sense of him you got while on the phone with him was data you could not wisely ignore. Don't worry about it.

dengidog

"So I wrote the author of the article and gave her permission to pass on my contact information and offered a place for the young man to stay."

For those of you who jumped on the OP, please point out where he was offering anything more than ...wait for it... a place to stay? I think it was incredibly unreasonable of the rider to expect the OP to pick him up or do anything more than what was offered. Yes, it would have been nice, but just because the rider was badly prepared doesnīt mean that the OP should have bailed him out. This wasnīt an emergency; it was arrogance on the part of the rider to use his illness to guilt others into bailing him out.

And for others, the OP posted because heīs human. He allowed the rider to dump his mistakes onto his shoulder and then second guessed himself. Quite frankly, I think it was pretty shi++y of the rider. Itīs true, no good deed goes unpunished.

pacificcyclist

Take a look at this article as it's very similar to the situation the OP faced.. Before you blame the cyclist for being unprepared like this young lady being unprepared for having enough money for the bus fare, understand the implication and the ending..

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...hort-fare.html

All she was short of was 20 pence or 30 cents US dollar to get on the bus. Not one passenger was willing to lend 30 cents to her to get on the bus nor would the bus driver looking the other way to let her on which forces her to walk home alone at night and was ***** and brutally beaten beyond recognition. I'm sure the driver has regretted that decision and maybe asking himself if he's a bad guy. Probably every passenger that night who refused to lend or give her 30cents US to make good on her fare always have this lingering guilt that I could have saved her that night too! Am I a bad guy or gal? Of course the bus company said the driver was doing his job. The sad part when this happened, I recalled commentaries stating that is all her fault because she wasn't prepared to ensure she has full fare and that it was her fault and the fault of the ******. Strangely enough, everyone else involved in this incidence while showing no moral support are completely innocent. It's easy to shift all the blame when you're on a comfortable couch or in her case, all the passengers in the comfortable heated bus for not even sparing 30 cents US so she can get home safely.

I think we can talk all we can about the OP's situation and making him feel good because it's not his fault and it is not his responsibility to be his support vehicle. Likewise, this is a complex issue and only god in the end can judge us.

valygrl

pacificcyclist, that situation is in no way like what that OP faced. You know who was at fault in that situation? THE ******! (wow, can't type '******')

Nor is it particularly complicated.

OP offered something. Tourist asked for a lot more. OP said no. OP is now asking us for forgiveness, or possibly asking us to share his indignation at the tourist's request for more. OP's original action is justified, OP's request for our sympathy is self-serving.

Leave god over in P&R please.