OK. Sorry. I was a bit too sarcastic. Practically everyone who mountain bikes has personal experience with running a chain dry and feels (as well as hears) the difference after they lubricate it. I can't just ignore what actual experience has taught me because of the results of a lab test. To me, when you describe the noise that needed to be dampened, it's just what happens when there is no film of lubrication between the moving parts and you have metal riding on metal. I may be over-simplifying, and I am not any kind of physics expert, but (until now) I never thought there was any question about whether or not to lube the chain--just a lot of opinions about what works best.

But what if you can never find the door?

You obviously have this problem....

You don't need to grease bolts ; they are designed to work when dry.

What's wrong with oiling the chain, it's only a one-speed bike it hardly makes any difference to the efiiciency.

Try to ride a bike that has been sitting out in the paddock for 10 years and has a completely dry chain and you'll find out why they need to be lubricated.

Wrong! Each bolt and nut or threaded part such as a pedal needs to be lubricated to allow the proper torque to be reached and prevent corrosion. You wouldn't think so, but grease allows a bolt to be torqued easier and stay tight better than a dry bolt.

Why don't you go to www.parktool.com and bone up so you can give better advice. I think they know more about it than you seem to.

Correct and it also works as anti-sieze to a degree.

Take that same bike and imagine it was built up without the use of grease on any of the bolt threads. Wonder if you could actually turn any of those bolts now.

I still don't reckon its a good idea to grease the axles on the threads ; it attracts dirt just where you don't want it - near the bearings. Maybe OK if you have sealed bearings, not a BMX.

It makes it so much easier to adjust your hubs though.

I bet everyone can hear you coming a mile away... squeeeak creeeak creeeak oh hey its John!