I think my parents took that as their motto raising my sister and me. (Yes, we can do all those things. And I can fix bicycles, and she can fix anything electrical. She married an architect, so her buildings will be nicer than mine...)

She knows steel is real.

(Couldn't resist.)

Great attitude, great point.

The good thing about that trade is, nobody really loses.

Hang the F--- Up (for irresponsible cellphone users)

So true. (Well, I can't get in the car after my wife w/o moving the seat all the way back, but otherwise true...)

My wife's bike was stored outside for a year before I got smart enough to hang some hooks in my covered porch so her chain had gotten really rusty and dry and and the chainrings and cogs were dry and crunchy too. I spent late Sunday afternoon making it all better, so of course I had to take a test ride.

The bike felt great until I hit myself in the ear with my knee. I felt like Homer Simpson riding the tiny tricycle at Krusty's Klown Kollege.

A few more things:

You don't really love him. If you did, you wouldn't use the term wimp just because riding a bike isn't his favorite thing to do.

I'm guessing you don't respect him much at all and you keep him around because he never calls your on YOUR b.s.

He owes you?

How much do you owe him?

Oh ****, BF callout post! Fellow armchair psychologists a challenge has been issued.

Not even really worth addressing, since each relationship is its own thing. He has fun at my expense, too. One of the few guys I know who can get humor and give it without being an SOB. Your response to my post only confirms that for me.

If you and your her dad want her to stick with it it is your job to make sure that she keeps up. There are a number of ways to do that.

Take you fast ride early then take a (cool down recovery) ride with her.
Ride your slower mountain bike with the knobby tires when you go with her.
Take her on a club ride for beginners where she is an equal. Those slow paced rides can be very relaxing.
Ride in an area or to a destination that is interesting to her.
Make sure she is beside or in front of you a lot. No one likes to struggle in order to keep up.

If you climb a hill and then notice that she fell behind, don't wait at the top - go back down and climb it with her. If she is walking the bike up the hill go back down and walk your bike with her.

Make sure she knows that this ride isn't just a slower chore for you, and that you truly enjoy riding at her pace sometimes.

In short make her rides FUN.

I don't share my intimacy with non cyclists.

You correctly acknowledge that you can't (and probably shouldn't try to) change him. Just like in your previous experience, if you harp on his health he's likely to take up a defensive posture and refuse to comply out of spite or pride. We've all seen that happen...Doc tells patient to change his lifestyle; patient nods, smiles, then goes out for McDonald's.

The other factor in this equation that has only been lightly addressed, however, is the evolution of your outlook that will correspond with your fitness improvements. It's easy to imagine that you will always love your boyfriend unconditionally. But, by your own admission, you're still fat. Not too many guys are tripping over themselves to woo fat chicks, so your temptation to leave your guy is relatively limited. That is going to change exponentially...

As you start trimming down, you're going to notice a lot of changes in yourself and others. Your confidence is going to sky-rocket. You're going to notice more guys checking you out. Your energy level is going to far surpass those who are sedentary in your life. As a result of all of this, you'll likely experience some serious discontent.

It's nice to think that we aren't so shallow. It's nice to think that we've found our soul mate and we will never abandon them unless they betray or harm us. But the truth is, when you start cutting weight, you're going to start wondering. You'll wonder if you can find someone better for you--someone who wants to be fit--someone who wants to spend time doing fun things with you. Then, you'll notice your eyes start wandering. On top of that, he'll LOSE confidence, and may start trying to sabotage your success.

I know this because it happened to me and I've seen it happen to plenty of others. I was never a "big" guy. At 6'0, 205 at my largest, I still had low confidence. My girlfriend at the time was fit (a basketball player in college), gorgeous, and a blast to be around. But once I started shaping up, things changed for me. On my march down to 165 over the period of four months, my confidence grew, other girls were paying me lots of attention, and my girlfriend was clearly uncomfortable with my new physique and self-esteem.

To shorten this a bit, we broke up about two months after my "improvements" and I started dating again.

The moral of the story is: don't underestimate this part of the process. It's very real, and easy to ignore. We tend to joke about it while we're still out of shape and it doesn't apply, but things change and suddenly it's not a joke anymore.

Funny.. I picked up an older hybrid from the 'rents garage this weekend with the specific purpose of turning it into a good city ride for my g/f (who is a very physically fit vegan).

She immediately started making plans to take a monster first ride and I had to slow her down, only because I know the pain involved..

shundaroni,

I just don't even know what to tell you, other than thanks for sharing your own experience. Mine has a been a little different than what you may be envisioning. BF and I have gone through multiple changes in the time we have been together. I have been in better shape than him for several years at at a stretch. Didn't really change my attitude about him before.

Aside from the occasional amusement obtained by flirting with guys (which is all going to fade with age and time anyway), I'm not really interested. There are just too many weird and awful people out there, once you get to know them deeply. I've got a guy that I know pretty darn well, and I know him to be a good guy, who understands how my mind works and shares alot beliefs and values with me. In fact, he is the only guy I've ever known who could understand how my mind works. In other words, I'm not interested in "trading him in."

...But that's not gonna stop a bunch of strangers from trying to "fix" me, is it?

When it comes to relationships, there are no "One Size Fits All" answers.

But many of us have been in relationships with partners who did not share our passion for fitness and healthy lifestyles...and many of us have found that that can be a signficant challenge to maintaining a relationship.

Jack LaLane once said that more marriages break up due to differences in energy levels than any other single reason. In my own case, the breakup of my first (and only) marriage was partly due to the fact that I had started to get "healthy and fit" and she had zero interest in that.

So don't be surprised if folks make suggestions about "trading in", when you post a thread with the provocative title "My boyfriend is a wimp".

Men have a need to be appreciated for their strength - if you think he's a wimp (even if you don't call him a wimp), it will eventually have a detrimental effect on your relationship.

My wife is a non-cyclist.
I am a non martial-artist.
We enjoy hiking together.

It works out.

Now, there's someone who's making sense.

This can be a rough issue with couples. My fiance likes to cycle, and is very fit, but I don't think she'll ever cycle as regularly or as intensely as I do. So when we cycle together we do more of the short recreational trips.

The car mechanic thing might require a bit of tough love. It isn't just a question of whether he'll ever become a cyclist, but one of the pernicious effects of sedentary lifestyle enabled by complete dependency on the automobile. Two miles is walkable for gosh sakes. I'm not a therapist (nor do I play one on the soaps) but I might consider talking to him (in a loving manner of course) about both the effects of that sort of dependency on health, and its effect on basic self-reliance. I know the impulse of people who love each other is to want to help and make the other person comfortable and happy, but it sounds like he should be nudged into a bit of a more active engagement with his environment.

Sounds like a good balance. Our solution so far is that I go hiking and camping with my sister or my Girl Guide group (and sometimes the leaders do a retreat without the girls), and I bike on my own* or with the cycling club. When I'm away doing this, The Boy fills the house up with geek friends and hosts LAN parties. He's happy, I'm happy, we each think the other is kind of nuts, and we get our own space.

*I like riding solo. Lots of nice quiet time to think.

Sounds nice. I prefer to ride alone, as well.

(But what is LAN?)

LAN= Local Area Network

Translation:
15 dudes plus their computers in your house playing World of Warcraft while swilling Cheeto's and Mt. Dew for 6 hours.

^ That. Only they were playing somethign else... it involved dinosaurs. With machine guns. It was loud anyway!

Now you know why I like riding by myself

Really? 10 years? He's still a boy friend?

Want a new boyfriend? I like to ride and I am chubby but its going away.

Seriously now, he better man up for his own good health, not to mention he is losing the respect of his woman.

Maybe he might enjoy other types of exercise and you can each enjoy your own thing. Sometimes its a good thing to have your own interests apart from each other. Then again, you have to wonder about someone not being able to ride under a mile and crying about how rough it was. He may get worse about this in the future. You are the only one who can decide if its worth putting up with....... I mean his not caring about his health and his general lazy attitude.

Just wanted to let all of you guys know that BF is fully aware of the content of this thread. He knows I B----ed about him asking for a ride. He knows that a bunch of guys are getting very emotional over the fact that I called him a wimp. He actually thinks the reaction is funny. But he warned me that, "Most guys aren't like me. They get worked up over your jokes. You need to be careful."

Deeper discussion was me asking if he felt insulted and whether I should stop that kind of joking. Outcome was that he just doesn't judge himself by his caveman ability to protect a helpless female, but he's thinking he might be different than a lot of guys in that respect. The he said, "I get your jokes." Then he wanted me to go on some big rant about dominance and submission (joking again) that would really set people off, but I was like, "Nah, there would be guys trying psycholanalyze this for days, and then there would be the the hecklers who would want me to post a picture...." Just made me love him more.

Nope. Not married after over 10 years. I used to be philosophically opposed to marriage, but these days, I just don't even see the point in mixing legal and financial identities with matters of the heart. If other people want to do it and it makes them happy, that's fine.