The young ladies pushing their strollers on the MUP often say I look just like Mr. Magoo.
Usually after I mention, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

I hate elementary and high school kids on fixed gears. I really do...They are beyond annoying. I hate how they change components out weekly, for almost completely aesthetic purposes like to get their pedals to match their chains, how their bike is more fashion-trend than functionality, how if everyone all of a sudden started riding skateboards again they'd drop their fixies on CL like hot cakes to pick up skateboards again...just because everyone else is doing it. These kids aren't bikers. They're imbeciles.

Wow...that was a lot off my chest, haha...

I moo at cows when touring through farming areas. It's a compulsion. I can't help it.....

I've got to admit, when I see anyone at all on a fixed gear I start to judge them immediately. This is pure hypocrisy as I used to own a fixed gear bike myself and I know for a fact that they're just plain fun.

I will run the light in a turn lane when it won't work for me -- not waiting any "reasonable time" for it, either.

I will verbally abuse indecisive drivers, whether they're going my way or not.

Whether three feet away or not, a car that passes me too fast will get cussed out.

I am looking for a stealth method of securing a weapon on my bike. It could be a bladed device, a club of some sort, I don't know yet. Whatever works. You want to confront me, or try to jack my bike, make sure your bucket list is checked off, 'cause you won't be doing much afterward.

I take pleasure in riding in adverse conditions -- high wind, cold, rain, up to 4" of snow -- and DARE any driver to tell me I'm nuts for riding a bike in weather like that.

I don't care what my average speed is, only that I feel like I've exercised when I get off the bike. That usually involves sweat, muscle pain, and heavy breathing.

I will take sidewalks whenever I feel like it, even roll somebody's yard if need be.

Okay, here's one I hesitate to post: I occasionally look forward to the days I have to drive.

When I get to work (I'm a high school teacher), I mention my ride as often as I can, especially in bad weather, so I can harvest all the admiring and incredulous remarks. I live for them.

I also have squandered countless hours trolling BF and typing "bicycle" and related terms into FB.

I posted photos of my two bikes in my "family pics" folder on Facebook.

Each of my two bikes has a name and a personality, and sometimes I carry on conversations with them where I do both voices (they don't seem to want to do their own).

It's not fixed gear bikes I hate. I know plenty of people who ride them just because they like them and I have no problem with them. It's the people who ride 'fixies' because it's in fashion. It's all for the girls. Sheep...

EDIT: I've even seen one fool with a fixie silhouette tattoo and this caption beneath in Olde English font. "Fixed Gear for Life." He must have been barely old enough to get a tattoo. That's one he might regret.

I care what my bicycle looks like.

I yell jack*** to motorist with loud exhaust. I sometime think of what the world would be like without cars on my bike. I carry pepper spray and three folding knifes. One in my pocket and one on my backpack in plain sight.

Guilty as well! I want to ride a coooool bike! Even my "beater" bikes gotta look coool.

I don't moo at cows but I do SAY "moo" to some of them, particularly if they've moo'd at me first.

When I pass the small dairy farm on my commute it's simply "morning ladies" or "evening ladies" depending on time of day.

Careful with the voices, I hear it's a slippery slope

"Norman!"
"Yes, mother!"

Guilty...
I don't obsess over it but I do care that it looks maintained. I change my bar tape about every 6 months.

I hate to ride in the rain and usually drive on rainy days.

However, I have fenders on my commuter bikes so they won't get dirty when riding on wet roads (after it has quit raining), or for occasions when we get unexpected rain.

One of my main motivations for cycling is so I can eat more without gaining weight.

In my imagination, hot chicks are attracted to cyclists even though all evidence suggests otherwise.

Well, it works for Mark Cavendish...

Sometimes it's not so bad being green.