Worrying spouses
07-18-14 | 07:39 AM
#26
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From: Lexington, VA USA
Bikes: --2010 Jamis 650b1-- 2016 Cervelo R2-- 2018 Salsa Journeyman 650B
to reduce my spouses fears these are some things I do.
I forgot about that. I tell her those points. Especially the first day I wore the new shirt she got me a guy pulled up and said it was great. And that thing almost glows. I did try to tell her about close calls, but I think it added fuel to the concern canon. When driving together I will comment and point out what other cyclists are doing and why I would never do that. Or why it is a good thing they are doing.
I commute in car crazy So Cal where we average 1 bicycle death a month, just in Orange County. This year, it's been awful; I believe that we're up to 10 already in 2014; this Sunday is yet another memorial ride for 2 recent victims.
There have been 3 ghost bikes placed at different points on my regular commute in the past 2 years. It's sobering. That said, I love riding my bike. I take as many precautions as I can by wearing hi-viz clothing and helmet, multiple rear lights including a Dinotte, front lights, flashers, and I even have a friggen air horn. I obey traffic laws, and I practice patience. I wear my Road ID every time I'm on the bike, and I use Garmin's live tracking so my wife and family know where I'm at. Despite my best efforts, I know that I'm one distracted/drunk/impatient driver away from having a really bad day. Thing is, I could be taken out in my car on the 5 freeway too; do I think about that every time I get behind the wheel? nope.
I read a great quote once; "I don't ride my bike to add years to my life, I ride my bike to add life to my years" That pretty much sums it up for me. I just love riding my damn bike. My wife gets it, and so does my son. While I know they worry, I also know that I can make them worry less by taking precautions, and being selective on talking about close calls and the many idiots I encounter on my commute; many of which are other bicyclists.
There are risks in everything we do. For me, the positive benefits of riding and commuting on a bicycle far outweigh the negative.
There have been 3 ghost bikes placed at different points on my regular commute in the past 2 years. It's sobering. That said, I love riding my bike. I take as many precautions as I can by wearing hi-viz clothing and helmet, multiple rear lights including a Dinotte, front lights, flashers, and I even have a friggen air horn. I obey traffic laws, and I practice patience. I wear my Road ID every time I'm on the bike, and I use Garmin's live tracking so my wife and family know where I'm at. Despite my best efforts, I know that I'm one distracted/drunk/impatient driver away from having a really bad day. Thing is, I could be taken out in my car on the 5 freeway too; do I think about that every time I get behind the wheel? nope.
I read a great quote once; "I don't ride my bike to add years to my life, I ride my bike to add life to my years" That pretty much sums it up for me. I just love riding my damn bike. My wife gets it, and so does my son. While I know they worry, I also know that I can make them worry less by taking precautions, and being selective on talking about close calls and the many idiots I encounter on my commute; many of which are other bicyclists.
There are risks in everything we do. For me, the positive benefits of riding and commuting on a bicycle far outweigh the negative.
I would say that I use gmaps pedometer or milermeter.com to draw the routes I usually take. Sometimes when we are driving I will drive the route. She really likes to see where I am riding and sometimes she wonders how I found this road or whatever. She saves the pictures of the routes on the computer so if she did have to go looking she would have a place to start.
Finally I usually text when I make it to work and i usually text when I am heading home.
07-18-14 | 07:48 AM
#27
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From: Lancaster, PA, USA
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I text my wife when I get to work in the morning. That seems to really help her anxiety about it. I've also taken her along my route in a car, and I explain why I choose certain roads and what strategies I employ to be safe (take the lane, hi-viz, lights, etc.).
She still worries of course, but she's also become quite the bike advocate even though she doesn't ride herself.
She still worries of course, but she's also become quite the bike advocate even though she doesn't ride herself.
07-18-14 | 09:29 AM
#28
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From: Sioux Falls, SD
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My wife used to worry quite a bit. When we're driving together I often talk about things we'll see and explain the defensive cycling measures I take to identify and avoid those situations. That seemed to alleviate some of her concern, as she knows I'm not just some yahoo out there playing in traffic.
Then two years ago at the age of 43 I was diagnosed with a genetic heart condition that if left uncorrected will eventually kill me. My wife asked the Dr how it could have gone this long without it causing me any problems, and the Dr flat out told her that if I wasn't in such good shape from exercise that I probably wouldn't have lasted this long. Since that time not only does she not worry about me riding, she's encouraging me to ride whenever possible.
Then two years ago at the age of 43 I was diagnosed with a genetic heart condition that if left uncorrected will eventually kill me. My wife asked the Dr how it could have gone this long without it causing me any problems, and the Dr flat out told her that if I wasn't in such good shape from exercise that I probably wouldn't have lasted this long. Since that time not only does she not worry about me riding, she's encouraging me to ride whenever possible.
07-18-14 | 09:58 AM
#29
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From: Eugene, Oregon
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07-18-14 | 10:31 AM
#30
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From: Burlington Iowa
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Sounds like an electronic leash. OK for those who want it or need it. What happens if a phone battery dies or there is a connection problem -Panic and/or suspicion of the worst?
07-18-14 | 10:54 AM
#32
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From: Nanaimo, BC
Bikes: 1997 Kona Hahana Race Light, 2010 Surly LHT(deceased), 1999 Rocky Mountain Turbo
If they are checking the history, then they are likely already in the panic/worst case scenario mindset already.
I phone when I leave my desk and when I get to it. I am usually within minutes of my estimated time of arrival.
07-18-14 | 11:33 AM
#33
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From: Westchester County, NY
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Honestly, I think the best thing to do and to tell her would be to make sure that you always carry identification with you so that people can be notified in the event of an accident if you can't give them that info.
Just last weekend, I was hit by a car while out on a ride. While I was generally OK other than some nasty cuts and bruises, had I not been able to give the police my wife's contact information, that would have presented a different story. Stupidly, I wasn't wearing my Road ID, but I will be from now on every single time.
Just last weekend, I was hit by a car while out on a ride. While I was generally OK other than some nasty cuts and bruises, had I not been able to give the police my wife's contact information, that would have presented a different story. Stupidly, I wasn't wearing my Road ID, but I will be from now on every single time.
07-18-14 | 11:46 AM
#34
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From: Southern CaliFORNIA.
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She has come around. I explained to her that most fatal accidents are the cyclists fault (LAB Statistic) This is good news for her in that I know how to ride safely, which is something that very many cyclists do not.
When I started I was more likely to die of a heart attack than I was to be killed by a car. While the risk of death by car has not changed, the other risk has gone way down. This produces a net benefit.
When I started I was more likely to die of a heart attack than I was to be killed by a car. While the risk of death by car has not changed, the other risk has gone way down. This produces a net benefit.
07-18-14 | 11:50 AM
#35
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From: Mooresville, NC (Charlotte suburb)
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I installed a free app called Life 360 on both my phone and my wife's. It is marketed to parents who want to know where their kids are. It is automatically updated every 15 minutes. I also defined locations - home and work - and a text is sent automatically whenever one of us arrives at either (you can set for departure too). It probably is a bit of a battery suck and could be categorized as an electronic leash too, I suppose.
My wife requested something because I would sometimes forget to text when I got to work and she had no idea of knowing if I had made it okay. It has been kind of handy too when I am expecting to meet her somewhere I can check her progress and vice versa.
She knows my route too. I would say she isn't too much of a worrier overall, but likes to know my expected arrival.
My wife requested something because I would sometimes forget to text when I got to work and she had no idea of knowing if I had made it okay. It has been kind of handy too when I am expecting to meet her somewhere I can check her progress and vice versa.
She knows my route too. I would say she isn't too much of a worrier overall, but likes to know my expected arrival.
07-18-14 | 01:44 PM
#37
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From: Minneapolis, MN
If you watch the news, the you'll find that they only very rarely discuss shootings in the actual ghetto. In the part of the city where it happens all the time, it's not "news".
But in the part of the city that's decent, they'll report every shooting that happens. It only happens once every couple of months, so it's "news". If it happens in the "good" party of the city, damn, they're all over it every time.
For every cyclist killed, there's like 100 drivers. It's not a fair comparison, because obviously there's way more drivers on the road than bikers, but the news reporting gives a horribly skewed idea of the #'s.
07-18-14 | 05:14 PM
#40
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From: Alpharetta, GA
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I just installed the Glympse app, which sends a text and/or email with a link to a map showing my location and real time updates. Because my spouse whined when I worked late one day and didn't text or email. Got home, and the phone was in another room charging and she hadn't checked email so I achieved nothing 
It looks like a kind of cool app though.
It looks like a kind of cool app though.
07-18-14 | 05:58 PM
#41
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I waited till my spouse got home before posting again. As it happens, she is blind and does not use a guide dog. Every intersection is potential injury or death. It has never occurred to me to want to keep electronic tabs on her. Nor, she informs me has she ever wanted to keep electronic tabs on me. I do not text her when I get to work nor does she text me. The assumption is always that the trip was without incident. I cannot see a downside to this kind of optimism. Most days one or the other of us will call the other just to say hi. Sometimes not. My sweetie bought me my first hi-viz soft shell and I wore it so much I got another identical one. She got me my second MagicShine. I now have three of them. I rarely use all three at once, but I need a lot of light at night, and in the rain at night I do indeed use all three. In the eight years we've been together I've been down hard twice. Neither involved a car or pedestrian. #1 was a storm drain, and #2 was a ride off the road edge at night. The second MagicShine was a response to the 2nd road incident. If the worst happened she would find out eventually. I think if we were intended to know within 10 minutes everything that happened to our partners then we would become telepathically linked to whomever we had sex with. I am assuming that it is intended for humans to have essential privacy upon becoming adult. FWIW.
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07-18-14 | 06:07 PM
#42
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From: Michigan
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Yes, there's a risk, but there's a risk in getting out of bed in the morning and one of not getting out of bed in the morning.
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Work: the 8 hours that separates bike rides.
Work: the 8 hours that separates bike rides.
07-18-14 | 06:10 PM
#43
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From: Michigan
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Violent crime has been dropping for 30 or 40 years at least, it's lower now than it ever has been, yet parents get threatened by CPS for letting their kids ever get out of their sight, whereas 40 years ago kids roamed free and nobody thought anything of it.
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Work: the 8 hours that separates bike rides.
Work: the 8 hours that separates bike rides.
07-18-14 | 08:40 PM
#44
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From: Minneapolis, MN
The news has gotten ridiculous, really. They get paid to sensationalize and to instill fear in the populace, because fear draws eyeballs to the news.
Violent crime has been dropping for 30 or 40 years at least, it's lower now than it ever has been, yet parents get threatened by CPS for letting their kids ever get out of their sight, whereas 40 years ago kids roamed free and nobody thought anything of it.
Violent crime has been dropping for 30 or 40 years at least, it's lower now than it ever has been, yet parents get threatened by CPS for letting their kids ever get out of their sight, whereas 40 years ago kids roamed free and nobody thought anything of it.
There's something more going on behind it. Usually it's about money. I feel like people just keep going to their jobs and don't thin as much about their annoying work environments if they're instead convinced they could be killed and their's no other options.
07-19-14 | 07:49 PM
#45
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From: South Central PA
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My poor Wife watched me get hit on a ride. She told me it was the worst thing/feeling she had ever seen and had no idea if I was even alive afterwards. She sold her road bike right away. I sold one of my road bikes to fund the purchase of a CX bike and I have mainly stayed off the roads and stopped going out for regular long rides alone. It has changed our lives. Things that have helped her are time and keeping busy when I am out for any sort of ride. You cannot really change how your spouse feels but you can take an interest in your safety and work through her fears together.
07-21-14 | 06:21 AM
#46
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From: Mooresville, North Carolina
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I have a Garmin edge 510 that lets people watch my ride. I have my wife and a few close family members on there so every time I leave the house it emails them and they can keep up with me. I think it's a great idea. If they see me stopped on the side of the road they know either something happened or I have a flat tire.
07-21-14 | 07:58 AM
#47
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From: Brodhead, WI - south of Madison
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Oddly I don't think mine worries all that much. She knows I'm going to ride, one way or another, so there's probably no sense in arguing with me about it. Helps that she's actually seen me a few times in traffic (I was on my way home, she was headed downtown for a work meeting). Also probably helps that MKE is pretty bike friendly.
07-21-14 | 08:07 AM
#48
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From: Annapolis, MD
Bikes: Fuji ALOHA TT, Scott Speedster 35, Nashbar Road Bike, Marin MTB, Dolomite Fat Bike
Your wife has very good reasons to worry. The smartest thing would be to stop commuting. It is to dangerous in the long run. Of course, I know you won't, so just accept it and carry on.
07-21-14 | 08:17 AM
#49
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From: Alpharetta, GA
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I played with the Glympse app again this weekend (free in the Google Play store). You can set up a favorite, "work to home" for instance, and one button starts it up. It runs in the background and I can start up Strava also if I want. My spouse gets an email and/or text that I'm leaving and can track the ride from a link in the message. It works as advertised!
I wouldn't do that every commute of course, but working late or in severe weather conditions it seems like it would be considerate and reassuring.
I don't know if you're joking, but for the record this is wrong.
I wouldn't do that every commute of course, but working late or in severe weather conditions it seems like it would be considerate and reassuring.
I don't know if you're joking, but for the record this is wrong.
07-21-14 | 08:56 AM
#50
An un-oiled squeaky wheel
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From: NJ
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I fail to see how that could help. What happens the day you flat and stop for 20 minutes. Are you going to call her every time you have to stop? If you don't have the kind of spouse that can simply let go... ... seriously, don't start down that road. Clearly she isn't stopping you from riding. I'd call it very good.
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Would it really be that big of an inconvenience to send a quick text or call if you were in the same spot for 20 minutes. 3 seconds of my time is worth it to calm the other half.