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Fifty Plus (50+) Share the victories, challenges, successes and special concerns of bicyclists 50 and older. Especially useful for those entering or reentering bicycling.

Reverse Empty Nester

Old 03-19-13, 03:00 PM
  #76  
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After nearly 36 years of marriage my wife and I are getting divorced.
Aw, crap. I'm sorry to hear that. You've got the right attitude, though.

We're about to be empty nesters.

My daughter is fiercely independent, but she might take a job locally as an intern for the opportunity it presents. At $100/week, that means living at home with us. Am I OK with that? I'd be thrilled.

The son is about to head off to college himself, so if she doesn't return, empty nest it is.

I think the way it works for me is this. If my kid is responsible, hard working and disciplined, I know that the living at home arrangement is temporary, and I'll embrace it. If I suspect my kid is irresponsible, lazy and undisciplined, I suspect that the arrangement is at least semi permanent, and I'll hate it. It's my job as a parent's (well, at least a goal) to prepare my kids to be self sufficient and happy. I'd feel as if I failed them.

I also think there is also a cultural component ... children are expected to live at home until they marry in a lot of places.
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Old 03-19-13, 03:07 PM
  #77  
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Originally Posted by Biker395 View Post
I also think there is also a cultural component ... children are expected to live at home until they marry in a lot of places.
A guy I ride with, who's from Mexico, is running into that right now. He's moving into his own place at 25 and his parents are kind of upset about it.
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Old 03-19-13, 04:27 PM
  #78  
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Tried it myself when I got out of the navy. Dad tolerated it for a couple of months then threw my sorry ass out. Best thing he could have done for me.

Maturity is finally getting where your old man is coming from.

Wife's daughter graduated from college on the ten year plan with a mountain of student debt. I tolerate her because she keeps the kitchen clean.
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Old 03-20-13, 03:26 PM
  #79  
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Eldest son (now 42) came back for a brief stay in his early 20's - just a convenience while he was making other arrangements, so NBD.

Youngest son is turning 21 next month, and something that is rearing it's head is the fact that it's OUR house and things will happen according to the standards of OUR lifestyles, not those of a 21-year-old single male. My wife and I are dealing with that, and as he's maturing nicely we expect that his remaining time at home with us will be amicable, but the inevitable restrictions (no, you and your friends cannot occupy our family room for the entire evening watching movies and drinking beer ) should make it obvious that other living arrangements are to THEIR benefit. The same will hold true if either of them finds the need to return to the nest. It's OUR nest, and they are VISITORS and will need to respect our space - we don't need to, nor do we intend to respect our home as THEIR space. Their presence (even with the younger who hasn't yet launched) is a temporary, transient and hopefully short-lived situation that we, as parents are happy to arrange, just as we would if we were to loan them a piece of yard equipment or some money for a security deposit on an apartment, or any of the dozens of other things we do to help our kids get launched. But the message is, and should be continue to be "you're moving on, right? -and that's sooner rather than later, right?"
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Old 03-20-13, 04:50 PM
  #80  
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Reverse empty nester?
I tell my son that I'm going to reverse empty nest on him. Thats where I retire from work sleep on his couch till noon and eat all his pizza. Than have the balls to ask him for 10 bucks for gas so I can go out with my friends and play cards.
He now has a better paying job than me and lives where it's warm.
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Old 03-21-13, 07:36 AM
  #81  
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The amount of $ required to move out on your own is far different than when I was young. In my part of the world rent requires not just a job, but a good paying job. Having said all that my wife and I always told our grown children they were welcome to move back any time, our home is still their home. Both have made it very well on their own and out earn both my wife and I!

A slight twist, my oldest wants us to move in with her and her family, very sweet of of her. My wife and I feel very lucky with our two kids.
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Old 03-21-13, 08:13 AM
  #82  
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Originally Posted by Steve Sawyer View Post
Eldest son (now 42) came back for a brief stay in his early 20's - just a convenience while he was making other arrangements, so NBD.

Youngest son is turning 21 next month, and something that is rearing it's head is the fact that it's OUR house and things will happen according to the standards of OUR lifestyles, not those of a 21-year-old single male.
Boy I remember that one! I was out of the Army and college but just getting back on my feet workwise. There are some things you just can't do in your parents house. Definite advantages to having your own place. I have to remember back to our "discussions" when Dad would say "this is our house and you'll do as I say as long as your under our roof". Funny the older I get the wiser he was, wish I had realized that then. Thanks Dad for giving us what we needed. We miss you. He would have been 77 this month.
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Old 03-21-13, 08:46 AM
  #83  
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My daughter moved back home after graduating from college, while she attends law school. We paid for her undergraduate education in total, but told her she would have to borrow money and/or get scholarships for grad school. However, to help out, we told her she could live at home if she went to the law school in our town. She got a scholarship at the local law school, so she is not having to borrow too much money while living at home. I am more than glad to help her out in that way, and we are much better off financially than if we were paying for her tuition and books. She is also learning some responsibility by paying for law school costs, and it has actually motivated her to get more scholarship money. She is ranked #1 in her class after two years, so I feel that it's been a good compromise.

That said, it has been an adjustment with my daughter back home -- more so for my wife than me. My wife does not get along as well with our daughter as me, and she is much less tolerant of any disruptions due to dirty dishes, clutter, TV watching, etc. Things will be easier for us once my daughter starts working and gets her own apartment or home, but I am truly glad that decided to move back home for a while.
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Old 03-21-13, 09:07 AM
  #84  
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Originally Posted by con View Post
The amount of $ required to move out on your own is far different than when I was young. In my part of the world rent requires not just a job, but a good paying job. Having said all that my wife and I always told our grown children they were welcome to move back any time, our home is still their home. Both have made it very well on their own and out earn both my wife and I!

A slight twist, my oldest wants us to move in with her and her family, very sweet of of her. My wife and I feel very lucky with our two kids.
When my dad kicked me out at 21 it was into an environment where good paying factory jobs were still available, and I got one of them.

Originally Posted by tarwheel View Post
My daughter moved back home after graduating from college, while she attends law school. We paid for her undergraduate education in total, but told her she would have to borrow money and/or get scholarships for grad school. However, to help out, we told her she could live at home if she went to the law school in our town. She got a scholarship at the local law school, so she is not having to borrow too much money while living at home. I am more than glad to help her out in that way, and we are much better off financially than if we were paying for her tuition and books. She is also learning some responsibility by paying for law school costs, and it has actually motivated her to get more scholarship money. She is ranked #1 in her class after two years, so I feel that it's been a good compromise.

That said, it has been an adjustment with my daughter back home -- more so for my wife than me. My wife does not get along as well with our daughter as me, and she is much less tolerant of any disruptions due to dirty dishes, clutter, TV watching, etc. Things will be easier for us once my daughter starts working and gets her own apartment or home, but I am truly glad that decided to move back home for a while.
Wife’s daughter went into hock to get an undergraduate degree that is of little use without a graduate degree. I got an education at the same State University she attended and amassed less than a quarter of the debt doing it. (California started abandoning funding its best in the nation public universities shortly after I finished.) There are not as many good jobs available now, as were available to me. Fortunately, she and my wife are best friends, and have always been close. Bio-dad makes more than I do, and helps a little, though I wish it were more.
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Old 06-25-14, 11:06 AM
  #85  
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Originally Posted by Doohickie View Post
So... any of your kids move out, then move back in?

We've been relatively empty nest for the last year and a half. My son took a job in Albany. He moved up and lived with his aunt at first, then got his own place. He really doesn't like it as much as he thought, though, so he quit his job and is coming back to Fort Worth. The theory is that he will get another job here and move out ASAP. I like to think a month or two, but it might be longer than that.

I have a second son who is going to college locally but is living on campus so in essence, we are empty nesters until my son returns from Albany.

What's your song?
So. He moved back out last month.

That brings us back to semi-empty-nestdomm. My younger son is still in the house. He graduated with his undergrad in December and starts grad school this fall. We're pretty sure he'll be living on/near campus so we'll be empty again.
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Old 06-25-14, 11:34 AM
  #86  
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Last of the kids moved out about 6 years ago, but this summer, we have one moving back. My youngest daughter is just finishing her masters degree overseas, and plans to move in with mom and dad while job hunting.

In his book 'Fatherhood' Bill Cosby asserts that humans are the only animals stupid enough to allow their kids to move back in after they have left the nest.

That said, we are looking forward to having our baby back for a little while.
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Old 06-25-14, 11:40 AM
  #87  
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Originally Posted by CommuteCommando View Post
Wife’s daughter went into hock to get an undergraduate degree that is of little use without a graduate degree. I got an education at the same State University she attended and amassed less than a quarter of the debt doing it.
My Daughter and I both went to the same University (University of California) - although I got in-state rates, and for half of her time she was out-of-state. After a bachelors, I ended up with about $10K in debt, she had 5X that amount when she graduated. OTOH, she is expecting a starting salary which is about 5X what I got 35 years ago, so it may not be that bad.
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Old 06-25-14, 12:12 PM
  #88  
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Originally Posted by sauerwald View Post
My Daughter and I both went to the same University (University of California) - although I got in-state rates, and for half of her time she was out-of-state. After a bachelors, I ended up with about $10K in debt, she had 5X that amount when she graduated. OTOH, she is expecting a starting salary which is about 5X what I got 35 years ago, so it may not be that bad.
My degree was in engineering. I graduated (Long Beach State) into a soft job market that it took me six months to get a job in that field. Her degree from Northridge was in sociology, and she ran out of money for a graduate degree. She just got a job in that field since this thread died it's first death, after almost five years of selling cosmetics in a department store, which she was doing to help pay for college.
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Old 06-25-14, 02:58 PM
  #89  
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Originally Posted by DnvrFox View Post
I joined the USAF, and lived in a tiny trailer shared with another USAF lieutenant. Never thought of moving back home. Wife lived in a house - as a RN - shared with three others. Don't folks do that any more? Her dad would have kicked her out.
Are you kidding me about parents kick their kids out of the house these days . Too many parents have this idea they just want to be friends with their kids .
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Old 06-30-14, 01:17 PM
  #90  
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can't believe my son is moving out for college in the fall and breaking up the family
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Old 06-30-14, 02:23 PM
  #91  
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I have twin daughters (age 27) and they are completely different from one another.

Daughter 1 graduated college with a Masters in Education, moved out, and is now engaged to a real nice guy (wedding date next spring). She is doing really well for herself and is a 3rd grade elementary teacher in northern VA.

Daughter 2 attended same college as daughter 1. She was working on a degree in music (i.e. become a professional musician (French Horn) or take necessary classes to be like daughter 1, but become a music teacher at a school. Sadly and tragically, daughter 2 got mixed up with a disgusting, sleazebag, pothead, boyfriend - who I absolutely can't stand! So, daughter 2 decided against better judgement to move out and move in with the scumbucket. My wife and I had plenty of arguments and fights with daughter 2, and just said, "Okay...whatever...it's your life..." and let her go. Daughter 2 ended up about $20/k in debt thanks to sleazebag and his drug habit. The most unforgivable thing is that daughter 2 had to drop out of college because of him. They got evicted from their apartment because he wasn't paying his share of the rent (buying weed and coke with the money) and daughter 2's credit rating got trashed as well. Long story short, daughter 2 had to move back home again and start over. She is working at minimum wage in an arts & crafts store, and just won't see the writing on the wall. Believe it or not, as shocking as this sounds... Would you believe that daughter 2 is still involved with the P.O.S. sleazebag?!? I have done everything I can short of myself ending up in jail (you know what I mean). It's just heartbreaking... It's has driving a wedge between my wife and I as well. My wife has a kinder heart than I do. She sides with daughter 2, and I just want to load some buckshot into my 12ga shotgun and go after him! But, I realized that there are better ways of handling things. I calmed down, and as per my avatar picture, I contacted numerous Freemason brothers (many of whom are retired police officers, FBI agents, etc...). I gave them his name, address, phone number, and license plate of his car. I told them, "Do what you wish with this info..." after I told them the whole story just like I did here.
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Old 07-01-14, 06:36 AM
  #92  
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hang in there, don't give up on her
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Old 07-02-14, 06:49 AM
  #93  
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I have a high functioning autistic son who lives with us, is 32 and isn't going anywhere. He has a job and works part time, bowls with me once a week, goes to the library to read. We'll be doing some bike riding together. Enjoy having the company of your kids. The days will come when you wish you could see them more.
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Old 07-02-14, 11:49 AM
  #94  
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Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
I have a high functioning autistic son who lives with us, is 32 and isn't going anywhere. He has a job and works part time, bowls with me once a week, goes to the library to read. We'll be doing some bike riding together. Enjoy having the company of your kids. The days will come when you wish you could see them more.
There are times I appreciate being alone at home with the wife, but I always miss my kids.
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Old 07-03-14, 10:18 AM
  #95  
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We have a four-bedroom house with no kids officially at home. Our daughter is here for the summer, but not much. She's working and really busy.

But will we sell? My wife says no. With the economy such as it is she wants to maintain a safety net for the kids as long as she can. I'm good with that, plus I really like our house.
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