Precisely the reason I think he needs to dump her off at the recycle center for use somewhere else. This guy had better come to his senses before she ruins a lifelong habit with her selfishness. His biking will promote his personal happiness, health, and self esteem and provide a natural release for stress while she is just piling stress onto him.

Like I said before, please do him a huge favor and leave. He will be happier without you. He will be lass annoyed without you. He will become healthier without you. He will have fun without you. He will find a woman much better for him.

And you can seek a passionless individual to just schmooze over you and revolve around you and your little world of self interest.

As you can see you aren't going to find a huge audience for "anti-cycling" views here...

I suggest a board like Marriage Builders... even though you aren't married yet you'll find plenty of good advice there for spouses/significant others on all types of topics.

This isn't the place to come for what you're looking for... I can see why you'd come here to find out the "Why's" of his obsession but you're not going to find the "Cures" for it.

Good luck to you

Maybe she's the reason he's on his bike 2-6 aday and yes,lets hear his side,maybe its not 2-6 everyday. I wonder why she doesnt ride,that would make him happy. Let the guy ride and be happy he's not 2 tons .Heck,i dont see my wife,shes either working or at church.Maybe thats why we get along. Boy has she changed since 10th grade.

I can imagine somewhere on www.cyclingforums.com or something, some guy just made a posting on the subject of:

Relationship puts strain on my cycling

I will celebrate my first anniversary in February; my wife has no interest in cycling. I've limited my cycling to weekend organized rides and 2 traing rides (20 mi or less) during the week. It hasn't seemed to affected my fitness or the overall enjoyment of the sport.

Cyclistgf,

If you two are compatible, you will be able to accept and support each other without trying to change each other. It never works to try to change someone else.

Guess what My wife told me that other day..(So far she does not share my cycling addiction.) When I am on midnights, she likes the freedom of not being pestered for awhile.
Think she is serious.?
Everyone needs their own space.Because you do not share some interests, there are others...? I do believe a cycling addict is uncurable..It is not an addiction. It is a need.
Some will not change..Does his love of getting on the bike say he does not care for you? I probably spend about 20 hours a week on the bike. We still have time for each other.
If he cares for you and finds time for you; I just ask yourself, do you respect his needs, at least attempt to share in it one way or another. Does he totally ignore you? Might you be a control freak?
Yes, if he does not have the ocassional ride where he shortens it to make way for the two of you,then there are problems..
Example..we wife became involved in my bike group...She headed the sag support car, we had together in France..She went with one other non-cycling spouse and saw lots, but later we were all together..She had a good time and did not regret connecting with my bike people.
There are solutions..Sorry this subject intruques me..I encounter it all the time with others.

I adore my husband. I have no interest in being without him.

However, had I fully understood just how much aversion he has to any physical activity before we got so serious, I might have hit the high road. And I sure do miss my personal space/time (he's more intensive in a relationship than I am). But these aren't the things you divorce over. They may, however, be the things you end a more casual relationship over.

You need to decide what's important to you, what you can live with and what's a dealbreaker. I wish my husband shared more of my interests, but given where we are now in our lives, it's not a dealbreaker. You got options... think about them.

This is a great thread. I'm going to remember to go home and give Mrs. Caloso a big kiss for being so accepting and supportive of me and my affair with Miss Trek 5200.

Just make sure when you leave for your midnight rides that the same oldsmobile isn't parked outside every time you go riding and is gone by the time you return... eh he he he...

How do we know this isn't a guy posing as a female troubled by troubles. We don't. The only sure thing we can say is that we all have options; and if we follow what it is we clearly desire, whatever it may be, we will never be wrong at that moment. Girl, guy, whatever, drop the significant (??) other! Better to suffer a little heartache now that to suffer a lifetime of grief on someone who clearly doesn't care to see anything outside of his/her temporary world. Savor every moment, and waste not a second.

Urbanmonk

Agreed. I don't wish to be rude, but.... She sounds like a spoiled rotten kid to me.

My wife is not into cycling as much as I am either. She is, however, looking forward to trying some of the different areas of the "sport/hobby" out to, in her words, "find her nitch in it." And that is a 260lb woman saying that!

I think cyclistgf is seeking a way how she can keep her fiance, and have him tone down his cycling, It is really very understandable and in reality would be easy to do. BUT, "HE" is the one that is going to have to agree to tone down his cycling.
My question is: What happens if he does tone it down, what if he drops it all in all?
Is this what she really wants? Does she know that if cycling makes him happy, she should share in his happiness by allowing him to continue his cycling. No he shouldnt have to take up being a seamstress nor should she take up cycling if she doesnt like it.
I read almost everything written here all the other replies, No one in here is trying to make her mad, they are just expressing their own points of veiw.
Yes we all love cycling in this arena. I also think the majority have the compassion and know what she is going through. We all have made suggestions and some of us have even tried to suggest things and even show some kind of support or lend an ear to bend.
The bottom line is: He has to make the decision to slow down, you and no one else in this forum can make that decision for him.
One last word of advise, If you try to make him quit, slow down etc. and say he does for you and not for him, think of the fact he may rezent(spelling) you for that, he may hold that against you every time you have a falling out, he may bring it up everytime you and he have words. Take all of what everyone here has said to you to heart, the good with the bad, weigh the options, you love him, but if he slows , quits etc is he going to truly be happy? Comprimise is a big word, I dont even know if I spelled it right, (I need a new typist) so if he does love you i am sure he would be willing to cut back, part of his comprimise and you in turn I am sure will have to comprimise when he does want that expensive Bianchi or when he wants to go on that 4 day tour. All I can say is think it over long and hard, take it to heart and is his cycling really the problem, or could there be other issues? Almost everyone here would tell you cycling is very relaxing even when we are hurting on those century rides but the stress from our daily lives is gone when we finish our rides and we normally are nicer people afterwards. good Luck to you cyclistgf I hope you can work things out, i hope you both find happiness, hopefuylly together..
the end

It never fails,a man finds something to do he likes and the female isnt involed and so she wants him to cut back or stop. He does,she's happy and tells all what she did and he's so wonderfull. Why? Because she got her way and he is now a bit lost and wondering what to do and now she's not happy again because the way he's acting and so on and so on. She leaves,he sold his bike and still cant ride,she gets a new boyfriend and starts riding with him because she learned a lesson and the first guy is now getting fat and started smoking and just walks around all day in his bike shorts. See what she did.

So very true, I know that happens from experience. Fortunately i have new bikes and made my own riding partner (my son) now I have to lose the belly

Withhold sex.

Sounds like maybe she already does. Why else would he spend 2-6 hrs a day cycling?

I'm the cyclist at home. Well, I should say that I'm one of the 3 cyclists. The non-cycling person is my wife and she can't cycle, so I can't "pressure" her into cycling.

Now that we have kids (the 7 and 3 year old daughters are the two other cyclists), cycling is also a way to take the kids away from home. As she is now a stay-at-home mom, she enjoys touring libraries, book stores and the like while I entertain the children. And the children certainly prefer a bike ride to Cap-Saint-Jacques (with ice cream and park activities) than a plain full day to the playground next door. My solo rides, I tend to do them at night, as we tend to alternate between "who gets out once the children are in bed".

BTW, I'm also intersted in "utility cycling", that is cycling to go somewhere -- commuting, shopping, or even to a playground -- and some leasure rides, but not into racing or similar fast riding.

I'm afraid many elements go into the picture:
- How much time goes into cycling, vs other activities? Many people work 8 hours per day (9 with lunch) and add 2-3 hours of car-commuting. Why not commute on the bike instead of adding bike rides at the end of the day? That way, he could get his full share of cycling... and have time left at home.
- Does he have other conversational elements, apart from cycling, cycling gear, Lance Armstrong and the like?
- You said, CyclingGF that you don't like cycling? Would you be interested in utility cycling, like commuting, for example? Likewise, any other activities that you would care on your own? or with friends (who care whether they are males or females)? If you develop interests of your own, than you'll have something to annoy him withl yet, who knows, he might find that you finally have something interesting to talk about!

One serious issue I see is that you want to spend time with him and he wants to spend time doing something (cycling). I doubt it would be any different if his activity was basketball, canoeing, train modelling, etc., unless it happens to be an activity you enjoy too. On the other hand, he has found an activity he enjoys, or, worst, an activity that enables him to stay away from home.

The worst you could do is try to change him. Forced changes (whoever adapts) rarely work in the long run.

However, I'm afraid that both of you need to reflect on your relationship and ask yourselves what attracted you to eachother in the first place, and whether or not these elements are still in place. And, I hate to add: the sooner you do it, the better it is. You might be better to call it quits.

BTW, I also know of a female friend of mine who was involved for 2-3 years with a man. At first they thought they had a lot in common, but she eventually realised they had a lot of activities in common: cycling, walking, camping, etc., but no real common bond. They split... and she eventually met another man who shares less activities but seems to share more deep roots with her.

Cyclingg.f. has disappeared..The Forum, for once joins the soaps. Not really, this is an aspect of our cycling need. I have worked out this dilema for for my wife and myself.... We have sufficient time together. At times my wife regrets how house duties suffer. But then, often she is with her quilting group on Saturdays' while I am out on my bike..(This is a craft originating with her great grandmother.)So we have an equal footing on that score.
Notice..G.F. has not been with us a couple of days...Sorry to say, some of our answers probably were not what she wanted to hear.? I tried offering positive solutions..
My wife knows she can't effect my cycling, as long as I try to be reasonable- and leave maybe, half my free time for us..
Considering my addiction, I think I am acting pretty fair. I could go away on a weekend trip for the whole weekend. I am reasonable.. If I did go on a cycing trip away from home for the weekend, of course; It would be arranged in a way that she would be involved.She likes nice hotels with saunas..Nice dinners.
But, we do not hear from G.F., we will never know how our constructive advice affected their dilema..Wish we could help..Will we ever hear from B.F.?
Like to think, if we pushed her over the edge, it is what 'B.F.' wanted? All we did is recant our own personal situations....Wish we could hear from him and know he is not ticked at us. WIsh them both what is best for both. She seemed so uncompromising.
I resent my first wife not letting me remain in scuba.:.G.F. is like what she seems like, we did you a favor - whoever, B.F. is...Think of all the great diving spots I would have gotten to with my first wife, should she have been fairer.It would have expanded her horizons.
'G.F.' does not come back in a constructive spirit, I would say she packed her bags ... And please, those who say we are addicts.We are not. We know what we like..We are hardly alone or freaks..We are out to achieve our life-long goals...
Should you be one who is obsessed, that being possible; there are plenty obsessed of the opposite sex.
Heah, CHRIS, from the land of Passionfruit...You read this..How is the woman with the enthralling voice.Better quiz her on her feelings about cycling and act accordingly..You can and will find a female obsessive cyclist if you choose to.
My question..The woman behind the voice..Is she a cyclist..?

Ahhh, you got me there. Well, Katy Steele is probably the exception here. Well, I believe Little Birdy are from Perth, so I've got a long ride ahead to get to her. Maybe I'll be burned out and decide to "tone it down" by then.

My bike commute companions are seemingly crossing the US this Spring, without me..What friends..When asked about riding across Perth to Sydney. Some of the aussies on this forum said don't do it..It is too remote..Without sag, it is to rough..

I believe Media Creations did it last year.

hi Cyclistgf,

i would say that his "obsessive" cycling in and of itself doesn't really have to be a problem... depending on when/how his time for cycling takes time away from other activities. personally, i ride 1-7 hours a day, virtually every day of the year... for me, part of the "secret" of being able to ride so much and still work and "have a life" is cycle commuting -- as mgagnonlv recommends: instead of sitting in a car in traffic i cycle 6 miles each way and thus get 1 hour per day on the bike... maybe he could start cycle-commuting (if he already doesn't) and then "only" ride say 2 weekdays and 1/2 of each weekend day? and the other 3 weekdays and 2 halfs of the weekends would be "available" for the 2 of you.

anyway, it sounds like in your case there are a few options:
a) you could somehow get involved in his cycling -- this would entail he being flexible and helpful enough to slow down and take it easy and make riding something that the 2 of you could enjoy together -- he wouldn't be able to go at "race pace" and ride every day with his buddies, but almost every serious cyclist i know is willing to take an easy day once of twice a week to ride with a partner (or kids!) -- or a tandem is a possiblity where he could actually get his "training" with you along despite differences in fitness/strength/ability, although a tandem requires a fair investment of money
b) alternately you could get involved in the cycling as others have suggested, but being a supporter: going to races or rides with him and helping him with gear, food, etc. -- this way you 2 could spend more time together, you would learn more about his sport and he would propably also appreciate the effort and be more willing to compromise for some other things
c) if your getting involved in cycling is not possible, there are really 3 possibilities:
1) he cycles and the 2 of you have to develop your relationship outside of cycling time -- he has to somehow "juggle" time for riding and time for your relationship and make compromises to ensure he rides enough to be happy but also that the 2 of you have enough time to be happy - this may not be easy. (see my suggestion for cycle commuting)
2) he quits or drastically reduces his cycling --- this i would not recommend - he will not be happy and it will be a continual issue/problem
3) you 2 break up as there is not enough "time" for cycling and you no-cycling relationship

i am an avid enough cyclist that this has been an issue in many of my relationships... i have had various gilrfriends accuse me of "choosing" cycling over them. i do not see that this way and feel that i have always a) made every effort to involve them in my activities - encouraging them to ride with me, being flexible to make it "easy" and enjoyable, and b) i have always tried to make _some_ time for my partner as well as try to inform as to when i will be free --- i.e. if i say i am going on a 2hr ride and my buddies want to ride 4 hours, i might ride 2:30 or call and ask if it is ok to ride longer and if not, then quit without being pissed (i got to ride a fair amount anyway)

i think it can work with a serious cyclist and a complete non-cyclist, but it is not easy. after my last relationship ended i decided my next relationship would be with a cyclist... and so it is and it is awesome! (also other than cycling we match very well, but as cycling/fitness is a top priority for both of us it makes things eas) she rides almost as much as i do, she is also a mountain bike guide (i am also and we met on an 8-day tour i led where whe was a "guide in training") and we are doing the 8-day TransAlp MTB race together this coming July... anyway, not sure how that last part helps you guys, but i just felt like sharing...

Actually, I can say that she hasn't been back in a few days, but at the same time, indicating from the last time she was around, the majority of people were all for sticking it out and commenting that the guy's cycling was way over the top and they should seek some kind of counselling. She may still be logging in as a guest, which is no problem. I bet anything she's still reading the comments and/or her fiance has read the thread, and he's finally coming around to talking to her about their problems.

It seems ridiculous to attack and assume she's being uncompromising- from what this woman described, this guy is seriously attached to cycling, and not in a healthy way. Again, I could see him doing this if he was a professional, but he's NOT- so why spend your entire morning cycling, plus your lunchtime, then spend all your spare time doing cycling stuff- cycling repair, cycling forums, etc., plus all your talk is about cycling... that's obsessive.... or borderline obsessive. Cycling is not a hobby when it's completely become the focus of your life- it's an obsession. A hobby is a side interest, and for this guy, it's not. It's his CENTRAL interest.

They will probably have to talk it out and make some tough choices. As uncompromising as she may sound, he sounds EQUALLY as uncompromising when she approaches him to talk to him. The typical brush off "you're crazy" attitude does not endear me to him, and sounds as uncompromising as this woman may sound to others. I could see someone like Machka saying that it's not a lot- but she's into that randeuneering stuff, so that's not a lot. But for someone in a relationship where there's going to be a marriage in the near future, and there's clearly not a lot of interest on her behalf for cycling, the cycling is getting in the way of the relationship. I could see that perhaps she could support the guy and just do other things while he's out doing his cycling stuff, but at the same time, I think it would be irresponsible to support someone who has an unhealthy addiction to something- that's like telling an alcoholic's wife to support the drinking habits. Then the wife becomes the enabler of the alcoholic.

Hopefully, they'll both realize something's up, and they'll sit down and figure out what's best for them, whether she needs to support and understand his love of cycling, or he needs to cut back and recognize that he's cutting her out of his life by spending all his time focused on his bike.

Koffee

Trader.