Well she has a 100 answers to read,where is she?

Let me get this right, your man trains/rides 2 - 6 hours every day? Either he is avoiding you or training to be in the best shape possible. Maybe if he stayed home and watched Opera and the home channel you would be happy. God I'm glad I'm single!

I love the Opera Channel. I TiVo'd "Il Traviata" last night, so nobody tell me how it ends!

I'd like to know what "mass amounts of money" means to cyclistgf.

Well, once she sensed that a bunch of cyclists were saying that there is nothing wrong with cycling she probably decided she was more likely to get an answer that she approved of over on the www.bittergirlfriend forums.

I bet it is anything over 100 bucks that is not being spent on her

Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well she has a 100 answers to read,where is she?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My guess is "he" can't remember his password that he came up with when "he" was bored one day and instead is just using "his" standard account here at BikeForums.

or www.controlinggirlfriend.com

This has to be the funniest train wreck I've ever read. So many points of view, and protectionary..

I'm glad I'm a speed reader.

KB, you can post a novel in about two days, can't you?!?!?

You could have a marriage like mine...

13 years ago I was a cyclist. Hardcore, avid and obsessive. Then my GF moved in and my bike was stolen. We were engaged with a lot going on, so I put cycling aside promising myself I would get back to it.

Fast forward 12 years to summer '03. We've had a good life so far and have 2 wonderful kids. I've been thinking about getting back into cycling for a few months as I feel I've given up too much of myself to better service the family. But, I'm afraid I might go overboard with the obsession and decide to wait until such a time when I know I can find the "balance".

Then I discover my wife is having an affair. After 2 months of hashing that out, I decide I need to do something for myself and I go buy a bike. Then another and now, I'm building a 3rd.

I ride 2x a week 18 miles to and from work to get some mileage in - which takes the same amount of time to drive. I like to get out for 4 hours on either Saturday or Sunday for a group ride. I spend time on the boards and working on the bikes. I am obsessed but I don't feel the time I spend is out of balance.

What do you think my answer will be if my wife complains?

55/Rad

Man that is messed up. Call me paranoid but I always make it clear, if she cheats on me, it's over. I know I'll never cheat, especially if we had kids, I mean to put her through it's one thing, to put my kids through it is another. You'd think she'd find a less damaging hobby...

I'm wondering what part of the country they live in. Can you cycle year-round (comfortably - not riding in snow, etc. - I know some of you don't mind riding in snow, but I just hate snow), or is he only cycling part of the year & cramming in as much as possible. We live in Maine & cycle as much as possible during late spring, summer, early fall, once it gets too cold for us we put the bikes up for the year & can't wait for spring again. We do the same with our boat, when it's in season we use it as much as possible. He may just be enjoying his bike while he can, knowing it'll come to an end all too soon when the weather turns cold. They should consider getting a tandem so they can share some of the rides.

She should also be glad that, while she's complaining that he spends too much time away from the house, he could have a lot less healthy hobby. She can either find a way to share the cycling (not all of the time, but some of it), or she can accept that he's not going to be around while he's riding & can occupy herself otherwise. He's obviously content with the way things are & doesn't consider it a problem. Is she sure he's really riding the whole time he's gone?

Its not really healthy to obsess over anything. You can love your sport, but if it is interfering with a personal relationship, I just don't see the value. I love cycling as much, if not moreso than anyone on this board, but I have outside interests. For example, I love automobile racing, I like animals, I like hiking, jet-skiing, snow skiing, in-line skating, and I really enjoy swimming and being a beach-bum in the summer. Cycling is my main mode of exercise, and it is my favorite sport, but it is by no means an obsession. If this man is so obsessed with cycling that everything he talks about is cycling related, then that is not healthy. Try to talk to him about persuing outside interests, and maybe if all else fails, throw out an altimatum. If he doesn't care enough about you to change, then you may need to reconsider your relationship. Just my personal belief.

Not if it turns you antisocial towards anything non-bike related, especially in a relationship.

A relation ship is give and take, an obsession is mostly just give OR take. There is no way a HEALTHY relationship is an obsession, mert.

One thing I learned the hard way is that the following is very true: 90% of men believe and feel that they will walk out if their spouse is found to be cheating on them. 20% of them actually do. It is far more complicated than most people realize. The ones that do walk out apparently were ready to end it anyway.

55/Rad

A relationship shouldn't be like a death grip. It's not like life will end without her. On the other hand, call me paranoid but, we have a very nicely chiseled circle of trust and once broken, it's hard to get back. It's like finding out someone in my family murdered someone a decade ago, I wouldn't hesitate to turn em in.
The reason why I can say for sure I would walk out shares the same idea you do that if I'm ready to walk out, I've been ready to end it all along. If she's cheating on me, obviously I she's chosen to break the promise made in marriage and therefore she ended it the very moment she cheated on me. So yes, I can and will walk away knowing that it ended even before I was given the option. Especially if we had kids. While I can't speak for your situation (and my apologies) I for one would not stay with my wife if she were to cheat on me. It just wouldn't feel right. (So maybe I'm that 1/5th of men out there).
Once again call me weird but on the other hand if she were to outright come out and say, "I want an affair" I'd probably be able to handle that better than having her hide it from me for 6 months and then finding out from one of my friends. I would appreciate that she's at least honest with me.

I hear what you're saying and I appreciate it. Your feelings are EXACTLY what mine were until it actually happened. But there are a lot of reasons why somebody would be willing to break the vows. And they're not all one-sided. Being able to look within and understand why things happen the way they do, or did, is a huge part of the process of healing, starting over, and re-establishing trust.

The percentages I quoted are in fact, true. Unfortunately, I spent way too much time over at another forum learning about things I thought I already knew. Also, it's not so easy to just walk away when you've got 13 years of history, kids, a mortgage and a business, aging parent issues, etc....it may sound easy, but it isn't. You inevitably look at all the options, including trying to repair what needs fixing....

Like my Lemond MJ. Off the soapbox and to the garage....

55/Rad

Sorry but thats BS. Once you learn the tricks of the trade,its easier to be trickier. 13 years doesnt seem like a long time,just a drop in the bucket. Hell,she hasnt lost a thing,its still all good to go.

My cycling group offers courses in Spousal Management. Tell your partner to find a course like this and enroll soon! Ok, that's not really true. But this is. My wife thinks I'm obsessed with cycling and she's right. I get my fix by commuting, and then for weekend rides I start early and I'm home in time for my son's baseball game or church or whatever. Overall she's supportive, and agrees that it's better that I be obsessed with bikes than obsessed with cars, or bars, or other costly and/or destructive hobbies/habits. This year will be my third year on Pedal The Peaks (https://www.cycleamerica.com/pedalthepeaks/main.htm) My son goes with and participates in the Kids Camp, which the wife fully is in favor of, and so is he!

My wife thinks i am a bit but when i say the samething of her and church, its not the same. She goes 6-9pm on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and 9-1:30am on Sundays and again on Sunday nights.

i think everything you've said makes sense. i've yet to get married (33 years old and i hope to marry my current hard-core-cyclist girlfriend) and never cheated and (to my knowledge) never been cheated on in my various relationships, and hopefully it never happens...

BUT, i agree that the "i'd definitely dump here if it happens" is not as straightforward as it sounds, as you have said.

i mean you have many years and KIDS and you whole life is intertwined, so IF it can be discussed and dealt with and smoothed out and worked over than i think that can be "stronger" than just giving up b/c of the blow to your self-esteem when the partner cheats...

anyway, i just felt like saying that each situation is different and i can imagine many where staying together would be the better choice.

good luck and keep up the cycling. hopfeully you guys can either repair the relationship and again be a true family. open talk is the ticket.

Coming here for advice is like walking into Cheers and asking Norm how to spend quality family time at home with your spouse.

Very true Shokhead - once you've stepped over the line, it would seem easier to do it again. But that hasn't happened yet and I can assure you, I've become a hell of a detective.

I don't understand what "BS" you are referring to? Is it that most people who go through infidelity actually decide to stay together? (happy is another topic)

Here's some other stats: Over 50% of first marriages here in the US end up in divorce. Over 60% of second marriages. The likelihood of either spouse being unfaithful at some point in any marriage lasting over 10 years is over 60%. The people who claim "it will never happen to them" are statistically fooling themselves. Think about it - there is a greater than 60% chance that either you, or your wife, will be unfaithful at some point in your marriage. The worst part is, you or your spouse may never know.

The easy way out is to run. I prefer to face this issue straight up.

55/Rad

Better if its me,i'm fixed.