I can't ride no handed.

You are as you were meant to be.

I sniff the inside of my acoustic guitar because spruce and s. American mahogany smells so damn good.

I'd love to follow up on the above thread, but rules of decorum stand in the way.

Two weeks ago I was riding a 27-year-old bike currently valued at $25. I had never worn real biking shoes. Tomorrow I think I'm going to ride a 65 mile trainer in prep for a century next month. Maybe I have delusions of adequacy, but I do have a new bike.

I wear polarized fishing sunglasses for cycling.

I have a full LIVESTRONG kit that my wife bought me for my birthday. I'm new to the sport and it's all I have, I wouldn't have bought that for myself but I wear it because she got it for me. I do feel a little "fredly" in it. Especially because I wear a mountain bike helmet with the visor removed.

PS the helmet thing bothers me so much It's all I can do to keep from buying a road specific one, even though it works perfectly well.

Yes you can. You're just not able to yet.

I finally caved and bought a road specific one from nashbar fro like $40 when I couldn't take it anymore.

Don't sweat it. MTB helmets are the same with holes added for the visor.

I will NEVER be disciplined enough to get to (or under) 200 lbs and it makes me hate myself.

Me too. Costa Del Mar for the win.

+1 I can barely ride with my right hand off the bars :(

When I'm riding, I stop to move dead birds off the road. Unless they are already badly squished. I don't do it with other roadkill, just birds.

I save ALL my banana peels so I can toss them out on rides.

+1

I don't know what the difference is between a road helmet and a MTB helmet. Explain.

I rofl'd.

I fart'd.

Definitely +1

I'm a silly, vain creature who cannot resist buying pictures of myself:

http://www.calamarichris.com/images/...-pmar-chr2.jpg
http://www.calamarichris.com/images/...lmsprings1.jpg
http://www.calamarichris.com/images/...-chrsolv9a.jpg
http://www.calamarichris.com/images/110507-letape5a.jpg

... and apparently I have only one jersey.

^^^ wearing that same jersey so often, you'd think that your tan lines would be enviably crisp, but pic 3 reveals a soft transition. It's shameful, really.

My maximum speed ever is ~ 43-44 m.p.h.

You change your grip tape more than you change your jersey.

Before I was a Fred, I was a knave.

I have white Mellow Johhny's bibs...and the blue jersey to go with it......cause while I let myself break the rule about black shorts......I couldn't make myself break the one about having mixed matched team kit.

My hatred of body hair "forces" me to get Brazilians.