I always try to think of it as a triangle: work, family/relationship, and hobbies. Focusing on one of them, or neglecting one of them for extended periods of time always makes for an unhappy period of life. The key is to find a balance by devoting enough time to all three.

The only way to solve a problem in a relationship is either talk about it or move out. If you're feeling neglected, you need to let him know why. Be specific, seek compromise.
Why does he cycle? If it's his way of stress relief, would you rather he be home and be a grouch? My wife wouldn't. If he has fitness goals, would you rather he became a couch potatoe and keeled over at 40? My wife doesn't like me riding, but I'm her muscles ( she has limb/gridle dystrophy), if I get hurt, she suffers more than the usual spouse. On the other hand, she knows that cycling keeps me healthy so I can be her muscle man.
Talk to the man. Being of that gender, I can tell you he won't have a clue how you feel or how he's hurting you if you don't tell him.

his love of cycling might not be a reflection on you; just something he loves and has to do..Sure you are keeping track of time correctlly...Maybe jealousy demands he can't do what he loves...Maybe he needs cycling , yet loves you..
If so, he has to get in the time he needs to be a good racer, yet, when he comes home is he good to you- and makes plans for your time together...
Should he ride all day and then ignore you; that is his neglect..
I make time for both - my need to cycle yet when I get home , our togetherness plans are still intact..We have time for my need to bike..While out, my wife does her thing...
Try to understand his sport,participate in it where you can...When impossible, find your own hobbies until he comes home...Might surprise him when he gets home. Welcome him wearing his favorite jersey or someting..

Merton...Going by your schedule, I would be in deep crap..
Weekends, I spend maybe up to 8 hours.( two days.) .We still have much of the afternoon..I can spend such little time on the bike on the weekend, because on my week day off days, I might be out for as long as 7 hours on some days...(While my wife is at work.)....

Ask yourself this question, as opposed to cycling what would you want him doing? Be specific, and don't just answer "Spend time with me". What activities are you looking for him to participate with you in? I've met as many wives as husbands who are as uncompromising as the other when it comes to spending time together. Getting angry at a husband because he wants to watch football on Sunday rather than spend an exciting day at a local craft fair is a little unfair. The argument quickly turns into "you never want to do anything with me". Which in turn turns into "I wouldn't mind if you watched football with me". Keeping score like, "I watched football with you last weekend so you should go to the craft fair with me this Sunday" is a quick way to create more conflict.

Sounds like you guys aren't "dating" anymore. Dating is an extremely important part of a marriage. A date is the time you both agree that will be spent with just each other. Do the things that you used to do before getting married.

Living exclusively for the other person is very unhealthy. It's very important that one maintain a certain level of individual identity within a relationship. A marriage becomes a "we" very quickly, and the "me", and "I" gets lost somewhere in the shuffle. What were the things you enjoyed before being married? Have you dropped those activities because of your husband? That can create an enormous amount of resentment. Has he cycled as long as you've known him? If so, expecting him to change is unrealistic.

The other posters who suggested getting a hobby yourself are only half right. If the only reason your searching out new activities is because you're feeling neglected, it's not going to fix the problem. Talking to him may help, but very likely he'll feel like you're asking him to choose. It'll make him defensive and close himself off even more to you. This is where counseling becomes effective. Counseling helps relieve the burden of complicated communication issues. It doesn't solve them for you, but helps translate what you're trying to say into terms that each one will understand. Because, quite frankly men and women speak two different languages.

In summary, your issue is not his cycling. The cycling is a symptom of a bigger problem. The cycling is just the most evident thing to lash out at. Frankly, though, I can think of far worse activities that he could be doing.

Try asking him out on a "date". Just the two of you. Kill the regular Saturday evening routine (I'm willing to bet a paycheck that you two haven't had a Saturday evening completely to yourselves in a quite awhile). Find out what he'd like to do, and compromise on something. One of the most agreeable dates is a comedy club. There's no fighting over sappy chick flick, or macho guy killing everybody flick. It's a very neutral place.

Well, maybe this will help and maybe not. They're just suggestions. But what your feeling is extremely common. Marriage breeds a kind of complacency, and that hurdle not only has to be conquered, but demolished as well.

My earlier post about the carbon fiber teddy has struck a creative nerve in me. What about pro kit lingerie and underwear? Oh, think of the possibilities! Who wouldn't get their "cadence" up when their GF/wife strolled into the bedroom in a Rabobank slip or Cofidis corset? Grrr, baby! Yeah!

G'day,

give him the flick!...what a loser!....imagine having a cycling addiction?....some people!.......now, where's my dog......"here Dura-ace, here Dura-ace".....oh its ok, he's over there playing with my kids, kysirium & ergo post!

Hitchy

Your hubby isn't Expatriate is it?

Ha ha ha. Another great troll. Post a really dumb question and all the guys (except wabbit, of course) come running with advice. And not one return response from.. who was it again... an alias of 53-11?

You guys are *so* funny...

i´m all for the team lingerie, and wahr about the new BIB tight double century scent - only 202.99 at disriminating stores - guaranteed to smell authentic.

Ypu must have read my post in the General Cycling forum.

Be sure and pick the right team...What Telekom pink...Not me...Well,maybe.
How about Bonjour blue or Credit Agricoe green..
Myself..Want to get my romantic instincts up..A tandem, a blanket, and a bottle of wine...Bike to some nice stream and a grassy knoll...

I'm sure you and my wife can relate and share war stories. But asking this forum for consoling and advice on cycling addiction is like asking his girlfriend for a shoulder to cry on

perhaps someone should read "the sex issue"??
ahh sorry...had to say it

Bikes, Blondes, Beer, Bars, Booze, Cars - It could be a lot worse or expensive. Be happy that he is in a healthy and relatively inexpensive habit. What you ought to do is buy him a new bike for Christmas!

we spend time on relationships with our families, friends, spouse - career - personal intersts.....The ratio or balance of these usually reflects how you feel about the others (IE "not as important to me because...")

Since he's spending more time on bikes than you, I'd say there's things about you that bother him. Whether these things are fair or justifiable or not, who knows, but you definately need to talk about it thouroughly and honestly ASAP or **** will only get worse

I think you are very close to being correct (Matt_1)

If I were "interested" in a woman I would adjust my schedule/priorities to be with her. . .

Glad one person mentioned above said..Women can be addicted to cycling..NOt a 100% a male addiction...I had forgot , but we can think of one female cyclist in a local club that went through one or two husbands before she met up with a husband who cycled enough for her...
Heah, do not have to cycle all the time together, but lets just give it a try.

Was hubby riding when you met him (or boating or climbing, etc)? Like my pal Tomcat, I love spending time with my wife and we enjoy many of the same things, but when I want to step it up a notch on the river or the bike, she's supportive and has her own interests. The other question I might ask is , how do you want him to spend his time with you? A paddling buddy of mine married a friend of mine many years ago. She was very jealous of the time he spent boating, camping, etc, but had no interest in joining him. She made him miserable when he went off to do his thing, so he gave it up. Subsequently, he spent his rec time watching sports and drinking beer and fighting with her, but by God he was at home and not out having all that healthy outdoor fun.

My first wife demanded I give up scuba diving..I did.. The marriage did not last.

I need something that gives me my own time. Cycling does that for me. When my wife figured that out (and she still hasn't completely figured that out) our relationship got a lot better. We got married when I was 31. It was my first marriage and I had never lived with anyone before. Mir and I have been together 12 years. My cycling has helped us a lot. Not only am I physically healthier because of cycling, I am mentally healthier. I am not sure that would be the case if I were sharing the sport with my wife.

That's my 2 cents +!!!! I hope that gives you a nugget you can use.

He's cheating on you with the bike. I saw them getting sushi. Kill it, divorce him and take his money.

-The Advice Penguin

jdon*****...Hope you resolve your conflicts..This is a workable problem...He needs his time for his needs..Does not need preclude you...You have a tandem and giving it a try..Maybe you will grow to need it equally too..Some women become addicted...
Time on the tandem is time together...And it can cause him to work harder and become more fit if you do not pull your weight.
But, my wife has come to realize, if I don't get my time in, our time together will be less valuable...You might want to know to be competitive, if that is his goal, he needs his training time...
Just be patient and wait until bedtime and then squeeze his hamstrings...He will come around...Many women like strong hamstrings/calfs to oggle.
Maybe to understand the needs of a competitive cyclist( if that is what he is) go to today's thread about 'needed training time for a cat 5 racer..' Hopefully, is not that far gone...That might be a problem...

Mine is addicted, too and it has only gotten worse. Strava feeds this addiction. His other interests include: nothing. And it's nothing to joke about. I ride, too, and we used to ride together. Not any more because I can't keep up. It's amazing how the behaviors of addicts are all the same. No other interests. Focused on the addiction all the time and needing to feed it. Ruining relationships with people that love you. Talk does not do any good except for a temporary bit of time. Then it's back to the way it was.

Sorry to hear about it, but you do realize you are commenting on a thread that is almost 10 years old, don't you?

You are welcome to come over to the "addiction" thread and talk about it.