****, I need to go do that. I even have a gift certificate for a full hour at a masseuse that my mom knows. That would make spring break just that much better.

Today I had another good ride.

Today I took the Raleigh beater out for a snow ride. Brakeless, suicide hub, skidding like a lunatic, winning.

What an awesome combo.

1 year ago today I was admitted to the hospital for this bloodclot, I think it's safe to say that I issued a smackdown on it.

discovered this lovely 1940's bike safety manual "A Ride of Death". pay attention, or you will die horribly:

http://www.itsnicethat.com/articles/a-ride-of-death

http://bikeforums.net/attachment.php...hmentid=239633

awesome....and creepy..... :)

Just curious, what was behind it?

Genetics from my father's side of the family.

I have protein c deficiency
I also have Factor V Leiden.

Both are blood coagulation disorders.

I think I have bipolar personality disorder. Many of you on this forum probably could agree that I display some of the character traits, just by how I post.

I'm not angry, but more sad. Joke about it if you want. I'm going to see shrink tomorrow.

Can I diagnose you over the internet? I'm a board certified M.D.

Got it when I was still in 8th grade.

Had a cheeseburger. Not even a little ashamed.

Definitely.

- Mood swings
- Manic and depressive states
- A whole bunch of other ****.

I'm not looking for answers on here. I'm trying to be expressive because I don't want to creep my roommate out and my dad isn't picking up the phone.

Honestly, and I'm not saying this to be a dick, but you might want to consider a holiday from all the drugs you take. I suspect that a lot of the crazy **** that comes out of you is because you're sometimes compromised when you post.

I've realized that.

When I stopped smoking for a month a few months ago, the manic side of me (I'm the ****ing man, no one **** with me) sort of disappeared. At the same time, the depressive side of me started to define me.

Do I self medicate because I have mental illness, or do I have mental illness because I self medicate?

I want professional help. I've had suicidal thoughts for a few weeks now. Cry more, call a hotline, HTFU, whatever. I'm too big of a ***** to actually do it, so I think I'm safe for now.

Why do I share this with strangers? Obviously, I'm ****ing toys-in-the-attic crazy. I was also wondering if anyone else felt this way before or currently. I'm really not a bad guy, but my dependence on substance abuse is really starting to change me, for the worse. My personal friendships are falling apart.

Go to sleep and see a psychologist tomorrow.

Don't be afraid to have yourself evaluated at a facility. Sometimes it can be quite difficult to get that first appointment with a mental health professional.

Psychologists are pointless, I have been to them.

Ultimately, only you can change who you are.

http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3617/3...aa973912_o.jpg
Jk couldn't resist :p

I've seen doctors about depression before, back when I was a kid and not too long ago. I'm really good at covering up feelings, so they attributed it to minor/major depression, and brushed me off. I'm not going to take prescription drugs, because from I've seen, that makes the people worse.

I need valid diagnosis before I start treating myself though. Or else I probably will end up killing myself by driving my psychosis farther along.

What I hope to find are possible and reoccurring triggers that shift my mood, how to recognize them, and how to deal with them so I don't go all Gary Busey on everyone on the reg.

I appreciate the responses and even that ******** picture. lol.

Today I learned that my university's student association president was arrested for bank robbery, and charged for separate cases of fraud, uttering forged documents and breach of probation. :wtf:

Umm, oops?

The bank robbery part is certainly interesting. story?

I just saw a shrink for the first time in my life today. It was terrifying beforehand and my issues are orders of magnitude less severe than yours sound, but afterwards I was like, "that's not so bad". I'm pulling for you GMJ, and hope you can work your **** out.

I will say I have friends with moderate to severe mental health issues and meds basically saved them. Don't write it off.