That's the best part.

Exactly right - there are many other hobbies/sports that take up more time, cost money and leave you fat!

Gee wiz, buddy. I'm sorry for your plight.

I like riding to the beach. My girlfriend doesn't bike, but she drives the car and meets me at the beach with my swimming trunks and running shoes so I can change out of my riding gear and go for a run and then a swim. Oh, and she also packs a picnic for us too. She sits there looking pretty while I frolic about. Then after a good meal and a few glasses of wine and a massage, I plop myself into the passenger seat while she drive us back home.

I can ride seven days a week if I want. Not a peep out of her.

But, of course, she could turn nasty once she becomes my wife.... ugh... the thought of it just makes me wanna get on my bike

I know one guy whose wife packed his lunch when he went for a long ride. I'd be concerned if my wife changed and started doing that.

Passive agressive method-
You could point out that you are really biking for her-- to keep yourself healthy and in good shape. You really hate all of those hours on the bike, dont you Briar Rabbit?

Up front
Tell her that you think that it would be a good idea to set up a "must get the spouse's agreement for everything" plan. The way that this would work is that the person who wanted something would matter of factishly state what they wanted. Then the two of you would discuss and the other would say yes or no. You would have to do the thing that the other said. The idea is that after time each would realize that they would be happier if the other where happy. Before you know it your wife will be agreeing to have three ways with the person of your choosing and buying the food for her.

This plan only works if you are very attentive, make dinner at least 1/2 the time, have no kids and have someone who loves themselves as much as they say that they love you.

I really think that "Little Darwin" is on to something. When he said, "I would suggest that for every hour you spend on the bike you spend 30 minutes blatantly serving HER (not family, not eating dinner, but serving her, for just her sake)... and sex doesn't count.

My wife noticed the weight falling off me and got to thinking. One day I took her down to the bike shop and got her a decent bike that fits. Now she rides too. Sometimes together, sometimes not. Might work for you. Now she is getting in shape too.

Take up cycle commuting - give herthe money you save.

My wife encourages me to ride. She doesn't complain about the bike stuff I buy or the fact that our cars are parked in the driveway because the garage is full of bikes.

If I go for a 30 minute ride or a weekend ride, she helps me get ready and greets me cheerfully when I return.

This is how it should be. Don't put up with a mate who chews on you for small stuff like coming home late from a bicycle ride.

It's a wonderful life... if you want it.

my wife encourages exercise, and thus encourages riding. she rides too sometimes. she will chew on me if i neglect something, like if she's working 16 hours and i go on an all day bike excursion and leave the dog home in his cage. or if i go on a nice long bike ride on my day off and the sink is full of dirty dishes, garbage can over flowing etc... but all in all i'm not unhappy with her about it.

The solution might not be leaving your wife, but just "sucking it up" and finding some way to pander to your wife so that you "negotiate" some freedom certainly isn't the solution.

"growing balls" or "Macho" and other descriptions that are derogatory are not appropriate. The same holds true for either sex. You have to be assertive and stand your ground sometime. It is tough when you have a controlling spouse, but you can only be controlled if you allow yourself to be controlled.

I would just go and do as you like. Your wife will do her best to maintain control - and she will be able to pull some really miserable crap, but you have to draw the line. I am willing to bet that it isn't just bicycling that she tries to control. If you like that kind of arrangement where she controls you, well, that is between you and her. However, if you really do need some freedom and space, freedom is worth standing up for.

dont take up running, it will only come handy if she chases you
seriously, i hear you... but I might have a suggestion
I used to be in the same boat.
I trained for two sports and felt like I had to ask permission for the right time to leave the house and checking to se if it was OK first.
I was always made to feel guilty no matter what.
I started going out withought checking, but more with being assertive of what I was doing and approximilty how long id be gone, I didnt stand around for guilt or looks. I just did it.
It will stunned her, it will make her upset but stand your ground, be nice and go.
Takes a while but then your partner start to accept you for who you are and definitly will respect you more.
In my house, I have earned the respect of standing for myself and once you have that, noone can take it way from you

My wife of 23 yrs was just like that! Not just with bicycling but with anything that didn't involve her. Drawing, metal detecting, bike forum, anything that I would take pleasure in.
But thats all changed now. Turns out she's an addict! Vicodine and other drugs her docter had her on. Also a little booze problem I didn't know she had while I was at work.
AA changed her and she let go of my leash. She's so involved in the "steps" now, I can peddle all I want to. All day long.
God, I'm so lonely!

bringin' the kids with you ya two holer? Maybe she feels like you are always slipping out on her when you get home leaving the kids to her after her hard day slaving away for johnson for something too.

Like the wives being discussed here, this thread just won't go away. bk

Just say it's either a couple hours on the bike or you've gott'a hock the family and put a pool in the backyard if you're going to maintain the level of physical health it takes to earn a living for as long as the family wants to live well.

Wow! I just read that and it just made me smile. Mainly because I was thinking about my ride this past summer. My son "13" and I set out from Canada riding towards Mexico. When we left I told my wife we didn't know how far we were going or how long we would be gone. And no we didn't know how we were getting back. (We knew we had to be back in time for school to start).

We had the summer of our lives and made it to Mexico and arrived back home 45 days from the start date. My wife never said anything........ummmm I thought I pulled that one off. Well she's in South America right now with our daughter having her own adventure....... and I don't think they are staying at hiker/biker site. **** I am going to pay for this

I am by profession a marriage and family therapist, but I don't have enough information to do a good assessment- but I believe that in any relationship problem both partners play a part in the problem (or at least could be part of the solution to the problem). Counseling is never a bad idea, unless your therapist is an idiot- get referred to somebody good.

My wife wrote the check for both my bikes, we were in Stein Mart today browsing thru the panties and whatever when she looks at her watch and says " If we leave now, you'll have time to get in one more ride before the holiday ends" Had her for 31 years this month, I'll keep her and feel sorry for you.

I had a friend once that was married to a woman for 10 years that treated him like yours treats you, like a kid. Constantly controlling him to the point he mopped around in a state of depression for years. He couldnt even talk to other people without acting afraid if he took to long. Needless to say one day he walked out the door and never came back. Get this worked out. If shes a controll freak, good luck, if its you neglecting things, then turn it around. A bike ride shouldnt be a big deal at all.

Is this the longest/oldest thread started by a phantom OP yet?

Just to clarify, the panties were for HER, right?

Try this; No dear, I'm not doing that because I'm going bike riding now. And then, just do it. When you get back, don't listen to any whining. Go for as long as you like. bk

Hey, my husband busts my chops-and my son if I run late. Have you considered hiring a sitter for the kids and then getting your wife out of the house, perhaps? Maybe have her start a hobby of some sort. Hey, if all else fails, get a boyfriend for her. That would work for me!!! But, seriously, don't give up what is your passion. You will regret and will blame her which will do your mariage no good. Marriage counseling maybe as a last resort-like what another person suggested. Good luck, B

Great thread that I can really relate to. I have a DW and three DS's who are now all teenagers. They don't need as much care and attention like they used to.

I have had my wife tell me numerous times how it was difficult for her to be home alone with them and that she did all the work. That's quite a guilt trip and tough to take. Sometimes it made me want to burst.

But, when they are young there's a lot to do. Cleaning, cooking, laundry don't go away, but the attention they need when they are young for a variety of things is demanding. You need to be a good husband and put in your time. That is very important.

However, in all of that you need to take care of yourself, too. That way you can appreciate everything you have. This includes biking. She needs to do this too. If she isn't and you are, that's not good. Mine doesn't, so I've experienced this. While she's thin and healthy, she just doesn't excersize and says she does enough running around that she's in shape. Right. At least now that she's older she has some friends and some activities.

Get her to buy into the fact that you need to excersize and get away on your bike to appreciate her and life in general. Explain to her that she needs to do the same.

A good example of this is the TV show on NBC called "Biggest Loser." This reality show has contestants trying to lose the most weight. It takes fat people that have just let themselves go to an extreme. That's what you are if you don't bike or excersize. You can't live that way--even if you don't gain the weight. It isn't healthy.

When I hit forty a few years back, I gained weight and my back ached. That's when I returned to cycling. I now commute to work daily and am in good shape. My weight is down 20 pounds from my peak and I'm keeping it reasonable. My back is good and I feel great. No doubt this has helped me and us significantly.

God Bless,

Dave

+1

Senior Member


Join Date: Jan 2005 Originally Posted by TnDiamondbackMy wife wrote the check for both my bikes, we were in Stein Mart today browsing thru the panties and whatever when she looks at her watch and says " If we leave now, you'll have time to get in one more ride before the holiday ends" Had her for 31 years this month, I'll keep her and feel sorry for you.



Just to clarify, the panties were for HER, right?

Oh that hurt! A man wears a little spandex in public and gets treated like this.