Man, I hope you're joking.

When riders going the other way approach, I check my form, especially shoulders & arms relaxed, & also cadence high enough,

and prepare to casually wave.


When stopping for the post-ride beer, will weigh out whether the adding additional ~ mile home or stopping the ride for less stoppage time

will look better on Strava.

Socks. I’m SUPER ocd about my socks being lined up perfectly. Positioning of logo must be exactly where sponsor or designer intended it to be on BOTH calves. NO twisting, NO mis-alignment. Even on the foot. Nothing is more annoying than dude all kitted out in the latest n greatest w/ the Uber sweet bike and socks all twisted. His chain is probably all squeak, squeak, too.


Overtaking another rider? Before I pass, I hang back a bit and assess the cyclist. I only pass once I’m sure that I will not be overtaken in the future.

He countersteers so that his tracks are still perfectly aligned in all situations.

I am fat and look like a caramel apple on a stick when on a bike. My kit makes me look like a sausage with crimps on the wrong areas. Vanity laughs at me

Not vanity, but I love riding. It puts me in a good mood, the more the misery the better the mood. It baffles me seeing very serious types who look like they are not having any fun, the types who don’t respond or acknowledge a “ hello “. On long painful rides like the Garrett County Diabolical Double, 125 miles / 16,000’ I enjoy the hills. I try to cheer up others who are in serious pain!

This post is making me hungry.

Also the reason for lard surrounding my personage

I know it looks cool, but regular people will never understand the loneliness of being a hardass roadie.

​​​​​​I have auto pause set to stop recording any time I'm doing less than 20 mph.

That would explain all those 500-600 meter rides in Strava...

I'm so vain I wait until no one is looking before unfolding the piece of newspaper in my jersey pocket and stuffing it under the front of my jersey on long, cold descents.
I'm so vain I keep my hair long enough that plenty of gray peeks out of the back of my helmet. That way all the young hotshots who pass me will think "That guy's pretty fast for someone with one foot in the grave."
I'm so vain I actually wash my cycling shorts, something we tried to avoid at all costs back in the natural fiber age when chamois were made out of real leather that got stiffer and scratchier with each washing.
Now you know the real reason chamois cream was invented.
Brent

Come ride the Silver Comet trail in Georgia. This is a way of life. Lots of spur of the moment races.

Dave

White cycling shorts on a rainy day are a serious challenge to anyone’s vanity!

Always lean your bike with the drive side facing out; after all, this is why we clean our chains after every ride. And as mentioned, always park it in the big ring.

I'm still shaving my legs.

I'm so vain I wear good looking, weather appropriate clothing (jersey, with jacket if needed) instead of being seen pulling newspaper out of the trash and stuffing it down my chest.

I agree with rtalain I always lean my bike with the chain side out. Since being on the bikeforums, I now remove my water bottles and put my chain in the big ring before taking a picture. Well, if I remember that is.

I used to race and in high school I ran cross-country. As a racer I was told early on that you wanted to leave straight tracks to 1) waste as little energy scrubbing the tire tread and riding extra distance and 2) be a rider others trusted and valued. The guy other strong riders wanted to be around., The guy others wanted in the break. Mass start racing is about working with others (unless you are far stronger than everyone else). What they think matters.

In cross-country I found if I cruised past another runner up the steepest part of the course looking strong, I never saw him again. Doesn't work quite as well on bike but still ..

Edit: but I never parked my bike chain side out. And never in the big ring. Those bikes aren't ready to get on and ride. I shaved my legs then and do now but vanity has very little to do with it. I would just much rather do it in the bathroom than a nurse do it in the ER after the crash. (I crashed in a race a week after I started shaving. Got cleaned up in the ambulance. Been sold ever since.)

At a red light, enjoying how a car in the next lane over stops a little further back than normal, because they are watching me track stand. Then, after the light changes and they (eventually) pass me, having the passenger look at me in the side mirror.

I'm so vain, I used my $600 a year "wellness fund" form my work benefits to purchase custom tailor made cycling jerseys from some blokes in the UK, and matching helmet and sunglasses.

I do ride a softride though, so I can't be too vain. the majority of people find them ugly as hell. i love it though

That was YOU??? Oh, man. And I was so impressed...

People sometimes race me when I’m not trying to pass them:


Fred Tried to Shake Me on the MUP

I was thinking about this while riding yesterday. I think all the posts in this thread involve visual vanity. I mostly don't care about how I look or who passes me, except this one time a family of three that included a nine year old girl. I had to pass them, which thankfully for my ego, I eventually did.

However, I am very vane about how my bike sounds. I absolutely hate any chain rattling, squeaks, clicking, brake squeals on my touring bike or other such noises. I even made sure I liked the coasting clicking sound before I purchased a new wheel set. The one noise I like is the brakes on my new carbon fiber wheels on my carbon fiber bike. It's got a cool sounding, high pitched whistle that gradually reduces in pitch and volume as I slow down. I also love the ring of the bell on my touring/ commuting bike. It's a beautifully full-bodied and long lasting resonating tone.

The abundance of learned discourse here is the reason I joined Bike Forums.