best...thread...evar

Ok, here it is! It was 2:30 (after the bars closed). I was riding my bike home on the bike path that snakes around the Ohio State wetlands. Suddenly a bat hits me square in the ****ing chest! It sat there flapping its wings and squeeking for what seemed like an eternity. I was screaming like a little girl, and looking it square in the face, until i made for the side of the path and jumped off my bike. I **** my pants. Just kidding. But, what a great story anyway.

Were you kidding about the whole story or just the ****ing your pants part. If its only the later, make sure it didn't scratch or bite you you in any way...rabies is not something you want to get.

Those bats are ridiculous. Plus, there's all that glowing foxglow or whatever crap around that area too. It's like riding through Transylvania.

Riding half-drunk to Prospect Park in Brooklyn one humid July eve, I approached a gaggle of pigeons. They all took flight and scattered except for this one, who just made a walking bee-line for my front tire. I was in a compromising position with riders on either side of me, so it was like, "No way... No... Ah, c'mon man, don't do it... Maaaaaan, just don'(SMACK!!!)". Crazy bird just up and flew away, though I still felt like a Ted Nugent ******.

What's up with all these pigeons and squirrels running into/not moving out of the way of bikes? I thougt we have an agreement?

</Seinfeld>

we have attack squirrels around here worst animal to hit ever (sharp bones)

I was joking about ****ting my pants. However, The bat story is as real today as the night it happened. I can't unsee that bats face squeeling at me. Its in my dreams

yes!! i was riding thru washington square park when a squirrel almost attacked me/ran right into me-i didnt know what to do it was such short notice- there was this thing doing circles back and forth to my right and i was like what? then i was like whoah thats a squirrel and i don't know what it might do- it almost totally ran into my wheels i swear. it was hilarious thinking i mighta chunked that rat in my wheels- nfj

Well on a lighter and way sweet note, I totally rescued a frog off of the bike path tonight coming home from a show. I barely missed it as it was leaping along across the path, stopped, found it sitting on the path (still alive! I was worried though) and moved it off into the nice fetid water next to the path.

Years ago I encountered a very bloated racoon carcass on a very hot day. I was on my BMX and pretty far away from home. For some stupid reason I decided to powerwheelie over it. When my back wheel hit, it exploded and sprayed maggot juice all over my bike and me. It was not a pleasant ride home.

That is very gross. Nice work.

Someone (i think from Drexel?) in my Road Race today at Rutgers hit a goose. They said that the rider stayed upright, but the goose did not. It was also mentioned that the feathers on the corner may be slippery.

taxidermy class?

This thread reminds me of a clip I've seen replayed on ESPN from time to time:

Pitcher Randy Johnson hits bird with 95 mph fastball

I've hit a few pigeons around town. They're so tame around here I actually saw one get run over by a car because it was too lazy to move out of the way. There were about a dozen at an intersection pecking at crumbs and they were just kind of dodging the cars at the lights, like bullfighters do. Not flying mind you, just stepping to the side. Anyway, one them just sidesteps and keeps eating and bam.. squished under a car tyre. Flying rats!!

Other than kicking dogs in the head as they try to bite my ankles (thankfully, not in years), I've only had one incident hitting an animal while riding. I don't know what it was, but it bounced off my front spokes, hit my leg, then I heard it jumping off into the grass. I'm guessing rabbit. No idea if it was OK or not, because it was late at night and I only heard/felt it...

Oh yeah, I also broke a poodle's leg once. There was this annoying little black poodle yapping at me. I was on my BMX, and I realized that I had forgotten something. I did a footplant and swung my bike 180 degrees to turn around and landed on the mangy mut's front leg.One of its front limbs was bent 90 degrees sideways. Its really a sad story because the I knew the owner...a real ******* and I'm sure that dog never went to a vet.

While we are on the subject of gross dead animal stories. I've hit lots of stuff with my car. Once I ran over a cat and it lay behind my car convulsing in pain. Feeling sorry for it, I backed over it again with my back and front wheels trying to end its misery. It was still convulsing, so I peeled out on it and sprayed blood all over the side of my car. The cat was thankfully dead by that point.

I have a co-worker / bike riding buddy hit a deer on his motorcycle going 70 mph on a highway. It was night and before he knew it, there was a deer head right in front of him. Motorcycle fortunately hit the head, deer swung around and slammed the side of the motorcycle bruising his leg and messing up his wifes leg (torn ligaments if I remember right). Even more fortunate the motorcycle stayed up.

He was thankful that it was night and he didn't see the deer until last minute because otherwise he thinks he would have swerved or reacted somehow, which would have likely resulted in a worse outcome.

I almost hit a deer riding my bicycle at night. It ran next time me for about 100' before turning right in front of me. That was kind of a weird moment, but fortunately no impact.

Going to the supermarket one night, my dad and I saw a guy who had feathers and a wing sticking out of his truck's grill. The car and bird must have been going pretty fast, because the tip of the wing was all we could see.

When I'm riding the bike path at the beach, I always intentionally swerve to try to run over seagulls. They always fly away and I've never hit one.

I also bunny-hopped a rattlesnake once while mountain biking.

Due to the recent thread about hitting animals, I'm going to revive this one. Some of these stories are so ****ing funny. I got a new one.

A girl I know was riding and suddenly sees a little girl screaming and running toward the street. Then my friend's tire goes flat because she hits something. The little girl starts sobbeing and my friend can't figure out what's going on. She looks down to see what killed her tire and it was half of a hamster's head. She killed this poor little girls pet right in front of her.

there are giant football sized land crabs all over the island here that like to come out at night..

there are also little to no street lights and my front light is a total wussbag..

i swear I've almost hit about 10 of those crabs.. they like to stare at you and either not move or move into your path of travel at the last moment..

if I actually hit one though, i would have an entire tire/tube chopped in two down to the rim, as well as a bent rim.. and there are no bike shops here.. those f***ers could clip a finger off if they got a hold of you..

I've also been chased by wild roaming cows/bulls down here.. now those are scary..and big..and have big pointy horns.. my bullhorns are nothing compared to real bullhorns..

I have had the same thing happen to me by a pond in Williamsburg, VA. They totally flip out and try to attack you. What you have to do (totally serious) is make them think that you are a much larger and meaner goose. Charge at them making loud goose noises (WAAK WAAK WAAK), and they'll get the idea and back off.

I was riding in rock creek park today on one of the closed roads. A family was standing on the grass next to the road when all of a sudden, without looking, this 8 year old girl runs out into the road. I have enough time to yell 'watch out!' and then I slammed right into her--flipped over the bars and onto a nice dirt/gravel mixture. I got all dirty and bloody and she's fine, just shaken up a bit. Thankfully her parents were logical and didn't try to blame me. but I dunno...do kids count as animals?